It’s time for us to cross the streams, true believers.

There’s a lot of talk about comics here on NRW, and rightly so. Joey has his own awesome strand of articles wherein he sheds light on the old and exposes us to the retro-new, and we love it, because Joey is to the medium of comics what I am to sitting on my ass in front of a CRT monitor with a controller in my hand: he’s a passionate expert on the subject. It’s worth diving into; when done well, the comic book or graphic novel is an art form capable of deftly transporting the reader to new worlds – some like our own, and some realities away from it.

What can’t be overlooked is how the comic book multiverse has been thrust into the colored-light beams and binary rows of the VG grinder time and time again in the plodding quest to juice franchises for more revenue. Here’s the dolorous stroke, folks: We’re going to take a look at how they’ve done this with one of Marvel’s undisputed icons, their bread-and-butter household name… Spider-Man. Peter Parker, the world’s most beloved wise-cracking web slinger, has been dipped in silicon and code frequently throughout video gaming’s history, with results that I will be kind and describe as “varied.”

I mean, he’s an icon. Some comics fans think he’s a pussy. Honestly, I do too. I’m more of a Punisher guy. No one can deny, however, that Peter Parker is one of the most luminous stars in comic book history. (Artwork by Michael Golden)

Everyone’s pretty familiar with Spidey’s origins and powers. He got bit by a radioactive spider, got some powers, lost his uncle to crime, and got serious about cleaning up the Big Apple (and sometimes beyond). The wall-crawler has made tons of friends and enemies since his appearance in the 60s, from goblins to murderous hunters to symbiotic aliens that abandoned him and sought out his unstable and disgruntled colleagues for revenge (Venom is the man!) Pete’s powers, coupled with his nifty web-shooting devices, make for the possibility of great dynamic gameplay if translated creatively into digital form. Right?

Ah, shit, kids… let’s just do this. I’m not gonna look at every game, but we’ll examine the prominent titles that most of us may have seen or played.

Spider-Man (1982)

Platform: Atari 2600

Culprits: Parker Brothers/Atari

Eh. It’s not great, but everything looked like this in 1982. At least we can tell which one’s Spider-Man.

You’ll probably expect me to be cruel here, because I do lean on the side of bastardry when it comes to the 2600. I mean… eh. Let’s stay in context… this isn’t bad for a 2600 game. Considering the limits of the system graphics- and sound-wise, you get a good representation of the key elements. Gameplay consists of getting up on top of the building and kicking Green Goblin’s ass, which to be fair, ate up a lot of Peter’s logged superhero hours in the 70s/80s either together or as separate activities. Using your web shooters is a little tedious, but once you’ve got the hang of how to do it in a rhythm and pull yourself up, it’s pretty fun. I suppose my only knock on this one is that it’s not enough to do. But then, not every 2600 game can be Burgertime and crush your soul with raw chaos.

The Amazing Spider-Man (1990)

Platforms: Amiga, Atari ST, PC Compatibles

Culprits: Oxford Digital/Paragon Software

Let me start off with something nice before I put my hands under the table and fucking lift. The Amiga has always stood out for its time as a system capable of audiovisual richness, and this game really turns her out. The ST and PC versions are decent in that regard too, although the audio quality varies.

“Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!”  I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.

Now, let’s talk about HOW they chose to turn her out. The controls are pretty fucking far from intuitive; while I expect translating Spider-Man’s iconic means of locomotion to be a challenge for a game developer, this shit is just abyss you’ll keep falling into until you start being meticulously careful… which isn’t prudent in 90% of the situations you’ll be navigating. Move fast? Move really carefully? The answer to both is usually no. Again, I can’t knock the graphics, but there’s something inherently wrong about this image, seen during the intro. Something that reminds me of “non-Euclidean shapes,” “lightless gulfs across time and space,” and “red-haired woman being forcibly abducted by a fishbowl-headed mannequin.” Poor Mary Jane.

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Almost as bizarre is the choice to represent your life bar as a picture of Spider-Man that turns skeletal from the feet upward as you move closer to death.

He looks a little embarrassed. I don’t blame him.

Last gripe: the game is, at least to me, unreasonably goddamn long considering the tedium it is to play. You can watch a longplay here, and be sure to listen to the entire intro music, or at least sit through it for as long as you can before reaching for that little red track-bar to skip through it and save your sanity.

Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six (1992)

Platforms: NES, Game Gear, Master System

Culprits: LJN (OF COURSE), Flying Edge, Bits Studios

This game is mercifully short, but still feels like being hurled into a black hole and somehow kept alive to slowly lose one’s mind via time dilation. Spider-Man, despite being fully human height, has the same general proportions as Wee Man from Jackass. His ability to leap through the air is admirable, and the controls aren’t too bad… until you try to do any of the shit Spider-Man is known for doing in terms of movement. The graphics are candy-colored palettes of pure hell wherein men are depicted universally as shoeless mongoloids and no light seems to penetrate anything (despite the garish coloration of everything).

It’s like Willy Wonka took a massive shit all over everything, and really wasn’t feeling well when he did. I bumble forth, capable of great feats of agility but barely able to keep my goose neck from dropping my pumpkin head onto my barrel chest. As Spider-Man, I am the monster, and I belong here.

A small handful of farty, tooty pieces of music cycle as you penetrate deeper into the Sinister Six’s criminal kingdom, presenting a strange yet totally-LJN mix of jazzy swing and “I ate so many tabs I can’t even tell what genre this is.” The drums punch at the listener’s mind, almost as if they are intended to pummel you into accepting the rest of this musical affront as tolerable. It’s like a rave in a Civil War graveyard, and someone invited Dizzy Gillespie. Actually, fuck that… that’d rule. This doesn’t.

Again, I can’t flush this game completely; it’s a decent effort overall, but LJN had a tendency (with a scant few exceptions) to attach its name to something and then pile drive it into the floor until no amount of reconstructive surgery could fix it.

Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage (1994)

Platforms: Genesis. SNES

Culprits: LJN, Acclaim, Software Creations

We’re ending on a positive note. We have to. We owe it to ourselves.

I really liked the Maximum Carnage story arc in the comics. It’s held high by some and shit on by others, but there’s something about a villain so terrifying that two bitter enemies (not to mention a wild cross section of Marvel’s 90s line-up) combined forces to defeat him as he rampaged across New York with his own wrecking crew. I love big events, and I LOVE villains. And Carnage… well, he’s one burning hell of a villain.

Really, if anyone deserves this shit, it’s JJ. 

This effort did decent justice to the source material. I’ll keep this simple and just tick off some pros and cons.

PROS

-Venom is a playable character

-Morbius shows up, along with Deathlok, Black Cat, Iron Fist, and a few other underrated Marvel good guys

-it’s a beat-em-up, and not a bad one, either

-comic book style cut scenes, and they’re not done poorly

–pretty damn good music

-LJN didn’t set this one on fire and stand back playing pocket pool while it burned to slag

Really cool audio-visual presentation all around. It keeps true to the comic feel without burning that candle at both ends with a welding torch.

CONS

-The music did not sound as good in the Genesis version

-This game is also long; why the hell does Spider-Man mean “long fucking game” almost uniformly to game designers

-It’s incredibly unfair to put bad-ass characters like Black Cat, Iron Fist and Morbius in here and not have them as full-on playables

-I feel like a lot of the villains get undersold in terms of their powers and badass-ness

-Still, to make an understatement, a bit fucking cumbersome to do the web slinging thing, although it must be acknowledged that it’s better in this than in any predecessor

Overall, Maximum Carnage is fun as hell. I owned the Genesis cart as a kid and got a lot of replay value out of it. It’s a net win due to presentation and the choice of formatting it as a beat-em-up, which makes it approachable on a level far beyond its ancestors in Spidey’s video game library.

That brings us to 1994, folks, so I guess I’ll put the brakes on it here. Thanks for reading, and before I go, I suppose I owe you some number ratings on these hunks of pop media history.

Atari 2600: 6/10

Amiga: 5/10

NES: 3/10

Genesis/SNES: 7/10

See you at the end of the month, RetroFans! Excelsior!!!

The first three issues contained within Marvel’s Spider-Gwen: Most Wanted? are pure fun, and then it pivots to an interesting deconstruction of the entire idea of Spider-Man. You don’t need to have followed the backstory to this Earth-65’s incarnation of Gwen Stacy as provided in Edge of Spider-Verse to get the most out of what writer Jason Latour and artist Robbi Rodriguez have to offer. You are quickly (and somewhat thoroughly) filled in. Gwen Stacy was bitten by the radioactive spider instead of Peter Parker. Rather than making this a straight-up gender-flipped story in the vein of Adventure Time‘s Fiona and Cake episodes, Spider-Gwen looks at the ripples caused by that one change instead of simply rearranging pieces. Instead of Peter Parker dying at the hands of Norman Osborn, he becomes the Lizard of this continuity. The bullying he experiences becomes much more severe when Gwen Stacy intervenes, because God forbid a girl stands up for him. As a result, he does everything he can to “be special… like [Gwen Stacy]”, which leads to him becoming the Lizard because comic book science. When he dies, Gwen’s guilt is much more pronounced and nuanced than the original Peter Parker’s guilt over Gwen Stacy. It wasn’t that she failed to save him. She indirectly pushed him to use the chemicals that ultimately killed him while fighting Spider-Woman. There is a lot of rich internal conflict and guilt to be pulled from that situation, and the writing doesn’t disappoint. It is difficult for us as readers to stomach that the same Peter who becomes our beloved and quippy hero could devolve into one of his own rogues given a different set of circumstances. The goodness in our world is a lot more fragile than we would like to believe. Also, the Punisher is a gritty cop and Gwen is the drummer of a band called the Mary Janes, fronted by Em Jay herself. Aren’t alternate universes fun? 

Spider-Man’s whole deal has always been most famously expressed in Uncle Ben’s oft-quoted  “With great power comes great responsibility” line. The guiding principle of Spider-Man is one founded on choice in the face of an erratic world. Peter Parker never chooses to be bitten by a radioactive spider, but once he does he must choose to use the power he has been given and deal with the consequences of using that power. Both series of Spider-Man films detail this brilliantly. Spidey’s actions have consequences and he has to deal with those consequences. What makes Spider-Gwen so interesting is that the characters contained within this universe have just as much of a connection to actions and consequences, but the vast difference of Earth-65 to Earth-616 due to one changed in an event call into question just how much of our lives are dictated by the world around us. It’s a heavy topic, and I’m going to expand on it a little later.

The art and overall vibe of the comic is, while not specifically 1980’s, very similar to an 80’s aesthetic. Lush neon colors and glows permeate just about every page, with a special focus often on pinks and teals (just look at those shoes on that dope costume). Action sequences are a highlight here, far outshining the static moments. Gwen as a character is one of the most charming comic book characters I’ve ever read. She’s conflicted about her role and identity now that she’s been bestowed with such life-changing power. As Spider-Woman, she’s every bit as quippy as Peter Parker’s Spider-Man, and regardless of whether or not she wears the mask she winds up swearing like a PG-13-censored sailor. 

Spider-Gwen is not an Alan Moore comic, where sometimes the artistic intention can get in the way of the entertainment. There is not a issue in this comic where the primary intention of telling an interesting and engaging story gets buried by anything philosophical. The deep, head-hurty stuff is there if you want to pull it out and dissect it, but you don’t need to do so to enjoy it. Without getting too into the ridiculous discussion of highbrow art vs. lowbrow art, Spider-Gwen can be boiled down to the high-concept elevator pitch of “Gwen Stacy gets spider-bitten super-powers of Peter Parker”. That’s true, and for a lot of people that is good enough to sell them on the series, but Spider-Gwen is also story about how the arbitrary things outside of our control completely change our lives and the world around us. If something had happened differently in your life, how would that change you? If you had, for example, moved when you were 14 (or turn 14, who knows how old you are), how would your own life be different? How would the people around you have changed? Who would ultimately be worse off? To be morbid, who would that small change wind up utterly ruining. Everything is connected, and the chain of responsibility that brings can be overwhelming. This is the crux of the Spider-Person, and really any super hero. This is why super heroes focus on the one person they can’t save and not the hundreds of people who live because of them.

Issue #4 is really where this becomes apparent.  Gwen spends some time with Aunt May, who doesn’t believe the media that portrays Spider-Woman as a villain (c’mon J. Jonah Jameson). Aunt May talks about Peter Parker’s mental state, and it really hits just how fragile everything is. Removing the powers Peter gets in the original continuity and examining the way that person changes in a world where he is normal and sees somebody else with the powers, it shows how the same desires can lead to some very dark places. The only real weak issue of the batch is Issue #5. While it is interesting to see Felicia Hardy of Earth-65, it ultimately distracts from more interesting plotlines. I’m excited to see where the series goes, with an extremely compelling protagonist in Gwen Stacy and frightening new rogue in the form of Matt Murdock.

Now don’t even get me started on the weird stuff beneath the surface of The Superior Spider-Man.