Werewolf: The Last Warrior

Data East, 1990

So let me start off with one for the NES, since I just said that.

Data East made a game about a werewolf with swords for hands and released it in North America several months before releasing it at home in Japan. I like to imagine that the conversation leading up to this decision involved the statement, “the Americans will eat this shit up.” That’s what I’d say. And I’m American. We love our nacho hot dogs and our spicy-ranch burger nuggets, and we love our idea mashups too. We’re basically a nation of five-year-olds. I’m lumping myself in too, don’t worry. I am thirty-seven years old and still struggle with the idea that I’m not supposed to eat cake as a meal. I’m not looking down my nose at anyone here. Especially since the idea of a werewolf with swords for hands is pretty fucking cool.

I, a proud American, am in fact eating this shit up.

There is a plot, but you can throw it in the trash along with the cellophane the box came wrapped in. Something about an evil doctor who takes over the world with mutants and how the world’s last hope is some werewolf with swords for hands. You have an ANGER METER that you fill with bubbles to get stronger/jump higher, and you pick up W’s to transition from man to beast and back. Being a man sucks. Be the beast. The beast that can still totally handle ladders with his sword hands and whose hourglass figure is the envy of all the ladies about town.

Pictured: them hips and them knife-hands totally working it… into a sewer.

I have no real complaints about Werewolf: The Last Warrior, nor does it really distinguish itself too strongly in terms of presentation. It has some pretty cool cinematic bumps in between levels, but after a little while it gets irritating to start a level and have a cut scene immediately interrupt it after you take like three fucking steps. I enjoy the separate mechanics of being a werewolf and being really fucking mad. Our hero can be absolutely furious AND/OR be a ravenous wolf-man, and I think it’s important to teach young people that being as pissed off as possible gives you superhuman power independent of any separate moon-shifting curse you may have. It’s part of the human condition. The music and sound are adequate, and most importantly, the fun factor is there. I got tired of WTLW less quickly than I expected. 7 out of 10 for a novel (if silly) concept done decently.

Cross Fire

Sanritsu Denki/Kyugo, 1990

Imagine if Contra kind of sucked. That’s Cross Fire.

I’m sticking with “kind of sucked” because this game is playable. It’s just not as awesome as Contra and made me want to play Contra again instead. It makes me imagine an executive showing Contra to some desperate and underpaid developers and suggesting they also make Contra. Compared to the werewolf with sword hands idea, this is fucking shameful. So, to risk sounding repetitive here: it’s Contra with a life bar, and instead of defeating an alien menace intent on ruling the world, you’re just some soldier asshole who “fights evil” (looks for trouble) worldwide. But be ready to basically play a slower Contra with shittier everything.

This is to art what a hammer is to a delicate porcelain plate.

I won’t call the graphics terrible, but I could. What I will call them, out loud and with a sneer on my face, is lazy. This is low-effort shit for 1990, and I’m including placement in that assessment, not just quality. Your audio experience will not be much better. Fuck it, it won’t be any better at all. I won’t lie or sugarcoat anything. I will give Cross Fire one positive appraisal: it isn’t totally unplayable if you can deal with:

1) looking at it

2) hearing it

3) feeling vaguely insulted by it

It doesn’t totally suck. It just mostly sucks, and only because it was allowed to. 4 out of 10 out of sheer contempt for Cross Fire.

Atomic Runner Chelnov

Data East, 1988

In real life, the only powers that radiation will give you are the superhuman power to always be sick and the special ability to eventually die of radiation. Chelnov is another classic example of the trope we’ve never truly let die: a man who became a superhero instead of a charred corpse or a short-term hospice patient due to nuclear radiation. He’s an Atomic Runner now, and he’s running for his goddamned life from the KGB or some other “secret organization” that wants his powers for evil. Slings and arrows, man. Every fucking time.

I don’t feel like it’s entirely outlandish that this makes me uncomfortable on some small level.

I know this is a forced-scrolling game, but it’s still very much a platformer; it’s like playing those “athletic” self-scrolling Mario levels in sequence while Data East throws some giant zombie arms and metal-helmeted fire dinosaurs in there for good measure. The scrolling only stops when it’s boss time. There are a variety of weapons and power ups (six counts as variety, shut up) to find, and you’ll want them. Part of what’s so fun about this game is just looking at it; both the arcade and Mega Drive versions are gorgeous for their time, especially some of the background art like the weird person-tree jungle and the Aztec-esque temple area. Chelnov also offers fantastic gameplay, combining a little bit of constant pressure (the nonstop movement) with a ton of action (everything is intent on murdering you, as usual).

My only complaint about it is possible burnout; I’m glad I took a shot at it on emulator so I could save my game state, just so I had a few minutes to look away now and again. I cannot imagine playing this shit in the arcade. Not only do I hate being watched by strangers, I also sweat at the most inopportune times and I’m sure I’d look like a Butterball turkey in a convection oven while playing this. 8 out of 10.

The Incredible Hulk

Probe, 1994

“At least it’s not any Spider-Man game.”

I am so tired of superhero-themed shit, especially the Marvel Cinematic Universe we’ve had force-marketed to us as a combo of sociopolitical “message” and barely-written entertainment. Feel free to email me if you would like to defend milady Marvel Comics at court. I have always liked the Hulk, though. The Hulk gets shit done in perhaps the most honest and cathartic way of any of Marvel’s woke-soap-opera characters: by absolutely losing his shit and stomping the bad guys a new asshole.

Pictured: Hulk tearing Abomination a new, improved, second asshole.

This is one of the few playable early-console-era games licensed by Marvel. I’ve talked about LJN and their sins against us ever since I started writing for NRW, and I will let God smash the gavel on that shit. This game is decent, despite being published by the eternal shit-puddle U.S. Gold. Probe kept this game simple without making it too vanilla. When you give me a controller and the Hulk is on the other end of it, I expect to be tearing shit up worse than Mike Mulligan’s Steam Shovel on a bender.

You don’t really get that here, but what you do get is a game where the Hulk isn’t a hapless clumsy asshole like every digital version of Spider-Man you saw during this era (except Maximum Carnage, that was fairly good). They can’t have you tearing down buildings all over the place or taking antitank rounds to the chest while laughing, but the Hulk still feels pretty Hulky. You get a decent set of special moves to beat up the Leader’s robots with, including bear hugs, head butts, and a very MK-esque uppercut. It is also decently difficult to harm the Hulk, despite his invulnerability being watered down for a video game. Things don’t get too challenging until they get weird later on in places like space. That’s where shit should start getting challenging for anyone.

Everything looks great, very much arcade-quality without diverging too far from the comics feel of the source material. The Hulk’s walk is kind of goofy, this weird arrogant stomp-march, but I guess he can walk however he wants. He’s the Hulk. Non-shitty digitized sounds are accompanied by an OST that sounds vaguely like the one for Sonic Spinball here and there (which is far from a negative thing). 8 out of 10.

Jewel Master

Sega, 1991

This game is totally my kind of shit. Deep-ass fantasy lore intro (here is a link), elemental magic, a demon lord… shit, what else do you want?

You punch fireballs out of your hands and collect elemental rings to combine for use in your mystical ass-kicking of evil. If you ever played Castlevania: Circle of the Moon, it’s a bit like the DSS Card System, but way less frustrating and slow to build. Another neat angle is how certain types of monsters may be more or less vulnerable to certain elemental attacks; it’s a small but welcome element of basic strategy that adds a bit of additional satisfaction to giving the demon king’s minions an ass whooping.

This dragon doesn’t stand a chance against me in the dance-off.

Like too few of its run-and-shoot platformer buddies, Jewel Master allows the player to aim and shoot upward, instead of just having things come at you from overhead and fuck you up while you sort of waggle your arms forward like John McCain and look foolish. I will never stop dunking on two things in this world: politicians and Mega Man.

It’s a Genesis game developed by Sega, so Jewel Master is pretty damn good all across the board. Its audiovisual artisanship is on par with arcade games of the era, as one would expect from the console itself, let alone games made by the console’s developer. The composer was apparently really into prog-rock, and it sort of shows in the soundtrack, which is probably my favorite part of Jewel Master by a nose. 8 out of 10.

That finishes out May, RetroFans. See you in June! Stay Retro!

Video gaming is nothing without its heroes or villains, but what about those “friends” the Big Evil Bad Guy has filling up warehouse districts and mushroom kingdoms all across the multiverse? Without goons and henchmen, the Ganons and Bowsers of the world wouldn’t stand a chance. Dudes like Dr. Wiley would be issuing ultimatums at sunset and getting their shit pushed in by dawn. Let’s give a little love to the ubiquitous “baddie.” We’re going to have a look at some of the more colorful guys, gals, monsters and robots who decided that under-the-table cash from a cartoon psychopath sounded better than the drive-thru or the Merchant Marine. This will likely be a multi-part series, but I’ll do five at a time. Get out your autograph books!

I was kidding, you fucking nerd. Put that shit away and pay attention.

—

Special thanks today to the people on various websites who rip every sprite out of every game, thus making this an easy image hunt. Also thanks to Jakub Steiner for showing me that you can, in fact, make animated gifs in GIMP, and that it’s not that hard. My dumb ass just never knew it was there. Mind like a steel trap. Anyway…

—

BLARGG/LAVA MONSTER

Super Mario World, 1990

Blargg’s responsibility of swimming through molten rock isn’t difficult in terms of complexity or stress level. He’s just the only one on the crew who’s able to survive doing it. You can tell on his face that he doesn’t give a fuck. His job’s secure. His job is easy (for him). And you know what? It’s fun. At least he can make it fun.

I’ve always appreciated the look on this character’s face. To this day, when playing through SMW, I can’t suppress a laugh when I see his ol’ razzle-dazzlin’ ass lurch upward from the lake of fire. Blargg, you make lava a not so bad place to hang out… unless you’re killing me, in which case, you can go fuck yourself.

FLEAMAN/HUNCHBACK

Castlevania series, 1986 – present

I have played the Castlevania games for more than twenty years now, and this little bastard’s weird jumping behavior still gives me apoplexy about half the time. I don’t think “hunchback” is a terribly nice thing to say about someone who can’t help being shaped like an unspeakably ugly Fibonacci swirl, so we’ll call him Fleaman (his name in later titles in the series). Fleaman is a professional, fully bonded and accredited asshole. He is a state-registered, card-carrying, world-class piece of shit. I think Fleaman bites you to hurt you, but since all most enemies in Castlevania have to do is touch you, he could just be doing that. Gently pressing the palm of his hand on your chest while you scream in agony.

The best part about his little animations is that he’s very clearly laughing at you. Simon Belmont, you may think you’re a bad motherfucker, but this freaky little dude slightly larger than a house cat will just start bouncing around when you show up, giggling at you like you just told a joke. Stow the Vampire Killer whip for these guys and just get a good 12-gauge shotgun and some buckshot.

In later installments of the series (SotN for example), Fleaman even gets some gear upgrades. Dracula issues him a pint-sized suit of plate armor and an axe twice that must weigh more than three of him. He makes it work, trust me. Fleaman will never look a gift horse in the mouth. If you’re giving him something to murder with, his arms are wide open.

Fuck these guys, but they’re also a fantastic poster-child for the concept that Castlevania monsters take their employment with Dracula very seriously. Who the fuck wouldn’t? If your boss was a legendary ancient vampire with unspeakable magical powers, the combination of leadership morale and piss-dribble terror would be pretty motivating.

THIS STUPID WITCH OR LEPER OR LIZARD PERSON OR WHATEVER

Ninja Gaiden (NES version), 1988

Projectile attacks from enemies in video games are capable of devastating fuckery, especially when one is trying to jump, dispatch more immediate threats, and generally not die. The Hammer Brothers are well-known pros, but whatever this thing from Ninja Gaiden is supposed to be, it’s got them handily outclassed in two ways:

• Placement/Position

• Adding insult to injury by knocking me backward mid-jump with what looks like a wooden toy sword so that I fall off-screen

My mind sees this thing and immediately assumes it’s female, not even because of the pink robe or because the green skin screams “Halloween witch.” I can’t find the names of any Ninja Gaiden NES enemies besides the bosses. Here’s my head-canon/theory for a 32-year-old NES game:

—

Sewer Bitch was born with the green skin of a mythological hag, but sadly she had no talent for black magic, nor for the morally ambiguous soup recipes. She couldn’t even use a cauldron without burning her knees while she stirred it. Seething with dysphoric wanderlust, Sewer Bitch left the bright lights and chrome lining of hag society, taking up residence in a sewer (hence the name). To further divorce herself from her peers, she discarded the designer leopard-skin-print leotard worn by all modern hags. A soiled old white bedsheet, tinged pink from probably having been washed with someone’s color load, would serve her purposes much better.

To arm herself against the omnipresent rats, the outcast spent years of her idle hours gathering property stakes and packing twine in order to fashion some weapons. Not being terribly bright, and having seen someone play Legend of Zelda once on a rainy night through their bedroom window, Sewer Bitch handmade hundreds of crude, ungainly wooden “swords.” At first, opponents and onlookers would mock. Oh, how they would mock… but Sewer Bitch knew something they didn’t and couldn’t know. She’d alley-oop that chunk of wood upward as if granny-shooting a basketball, and the dumb bastards would inevitably walk right into it.

Eventually, the strange talents of the filthy monster-woman came to the attention of Jacquio, who hired her on the spot.

“Just stay here on this one impossibly tall pillar,” the demonic sorcerer told her. “Move back and forth a little bit, sure, but there’s not much point. Just keep dropping your shitty wooden knives into the space between this one and the one to your left. Ryu Hyabusa won’t even know what to do. He’ll just turn around and go home.”

—

SMILING TRAMPOLINE (I KNOW IT’S NOT AN ENEMY, IT HELPS YOU, SHUT UP, I’M STILL PICKING IT)

Felix the Cat (NES), 1992

I really can’t help but admire, even envy this fella. He’s a little springboard Felix can jump on to get some extra height, usually so Felix can find giant bags in the sky and crawl into them. Trampy (his name for the purpose of this article) doesn’t worry too much about that. He doesn’t need to know what the cat does inside the giant floating bag. He’s happy right where he is. Joyous, even.

This sentient, sapient being’s sole function in life is to literally wait for Felix (or God forbid, someone else) to jump on him. The poor bastard exists to be stepped on. There’s no better way to phrase it.

And he’s fucking smiling.

Trampy, I hope you’re still doing well, wherever you are. I hope you’re still smiling out there, giving cheerfully of yourself without any expectations of compensation, living a life of friendly altruism in some pleasant 8-bit meadow. You always helped me when I needed you, and when Felix needed more tiny round pictures of himself so that he could finally transform his weird little car into an even weirder tank. I ain’t even tryin’ to talk shit on you, my man. Stay golden. I just wanted everyone to see you shine. You’re beautiful.

BUBBLE (YES, IT’S CALLED BUBBLE, YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE)

Legend of Zelda II: the Adventure of Link, 1987

Zelda II is a fucking abusive game. If Zelda II were a human father, he’d never wear a belt, because it’d never leave his raw-knuckled fist. Zelda II is swinging the buckle end because it’s had too much to drink again. The two types of Bubble behavior exemplify the game’s needless cruelty perfectly. Normally, Bubbles move in a fairly slow diagonal pattern in the Palace areas, bouncing from floor to ceiling. They can be a pain in the ass when the ceiling is low, but otherwise they’re manageable. Bubbles can even be killed for 50 XP, as opposed to their antecedents in the first game, who cannot.

So first of all, let’s clear this up right now: while you can kill them, choosing to do so is both time-consuming and risky. They drain life and magic, so they aren’t really to be fucked with unless your Zelda II skills are tight as a drum or you have some ready means of recovery handy that being drained of magic won’t fuck up for you. You have to get pretty close to them even with Link’s fully-charged sword, and every split fucking second a Bubble isn’t being hit, it’s moving… toward you.

That brings me to my second observation… some of the little floating skully bois move with an alacrity that would make a hummingbird pack up its shit, forfeit, and go home to cry. They travel in the same 45° bumper-path, just much faster. That’s really all the Bubble requires in order to be to be scary in Zelda II. Catching one of these in a low-ceiling walkway is more stressful than being audited by the IRS while your house is on fire and you’re trapped inside it. Best of luck. When multiple slow and fast Bubbles occupy an area, you’re in for a real Kentucky-fried shitfest. Just spread ’em and think of Hyrule, Link.

Thank you for tuning in once again, boils and ghouls.

And if you ever wonder what kind of shit I get up to when I’m not here, you know where to find me.

(there’s a hyperlink in the text, please don’t come to my house you animals)

Stay Retro!

Super NES Classic

The Super NES Classic edition takes gamers back to the 1990’s, when console gaming was very much in its heyday, and it does it all in a much smaller version of the original. The Super NES Classic will allow gamers to enjoy a huge dose of 16-bit nostalgia, with the console sporting rewind, my game play demo and frame features. Players will be able to enjoy classic titles such as Super Mario World, The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past and Donkey Kong Country.

PlayStation Classic

You could say that the original PlayStation changed the gaming world forever, so who wouldn’t want to head back and relive the good old days? The PlayStation Classic is everything the 1994 original was, but 45% smaller, and players can of course link the console to their TV via a HDMI cable. Epic titles such as TEKKEN 3 and Final Fantasy VII feature as two of the titles available to play.

Sega Mega Drive Classic

Sega were very much key players in the gaming industry back in the day, with their consoles always well received by players. One of the finest creations was of course the Sega Mega Drive, so the Sega Mega Drive Classic has fast become one of the most sought-after retro pieces. Players can enjoy iconic game series’ such as Sonic and Mortal Kombat, all on the one console. Stereo sound and multiplayer are both available, to take this retro gaming experience to the next level.

Atari ‘Retro’ Handheld

The Atari provided the first gaming experience for many people, so a retro version of the console which sports the immortalised wood effect and TV output has been very well received by gamers around the world. Based on the Atari 2600, players will be able to get stuck into 50 built-in games and can either enjoy them on the console’s 2.4” screen, or their TV. This is a console which provides a true retro experience.

Sega Genesis Mini

We said Sega were kings of games consoles back on the day, and therefore it should come as no surprise to see them with another entry on our list. This time it’s the Sega Genesis Mini, which is a miniature version of the very successful and hugely popular Sega Genesis. Out in September of this year, gamers are already eagerly anticipating its release, with the console featuring 40 iconic games, which come preloaded. Ecco The Dolphin, Sonic the Hedgehog and Castlevania Bloodlines all come included, with players able to link the console up to their TV via HDMI.

It’s almost October, and with a second season of the intense Netflix animated series based on the classic video game franchise, we’re taking a look at all of the info confirmed for Castlevania Season 2!

1. When is it coming out?

Castlevania Season 2 will be premiering on Netflix in its entirety on October 26th, 2018. Season 1 dropped July 7, 2017, and while it was an action-packed addition to the summer, the new season coming just in time for Halloween warms our spooky hearts.

2. How long will it be?

Castlevania had a tumultuous journey to be the violent animated action we can stream today. It was originally intended to be a film, and the length of Season 1 reflects that. In fact, that’s a valid criticism of the first season. 4 episodes of 23 minutes each were nice, but it felt like it just didn’t tell enough of a story. The good news is that Castlevania Season 2 is going to be twice as long, with 8 episodes ordered. That’s enough to give it a proper season arc after what felt like a prelude.

3. Who is writing Castlevania Season 2?

As with Season 1, acclaimed comic book writer Warren Ellis will be writing Season 2. While Ellis is undoubtedly more known for his science fiction stories — of which he is likely one of the best living today — Season 1 proves how effectively he could tell a dark fantasy story. He also clearly has a love for the series, and the game this is based on in particular (aside from one character). He has been trying to get a Castlevania adaptation on screens since the mid-2000’s, so you can only imagine the passion he has for his work now.

4. Which video game is it based on?

Just like Season 1, Castlevania Season 2 will focus on the story of the 1989 classic Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse. This makes sense from a narrative standpoint as it has three well-defined characters at the center and a great overarching story to tell. You might notice that visually, the Castlevania series doesn’t seem to match the aesthetic of the NES game. That’s because the animated series is stylistically modeled after the PlayStation classic Symphony of the Night, which forever changed the visual language of Castlevania.

That’s not all though. Based on the Season 2 trailer, we think that Curse of Darkness might be making its way into the season. We’ll talk more about that in a little bit.

5. Who are the main characters?

Trevor Belmont was undoubtedly the main character and focus on Season 1. Castlevania Season 2 has been confirmed to focus on the three characters united at the end of Season 1. While we are used to Trevor Belmont, we will get more time with Dracula’s son Adrien Tepes and the mage Sypha Belnades. Adrien Tepes, also called Alucard, is an extremely interesting character from the entire game franchise, so the greater focus on him could be a highlight of the entire season.

6. Who is the cast?

The cast will be the same in Season 2 as in Season 1. The primary voice actors being acclaimed English actor Richard Armitage, James Callis of multiple successful science fiction series, and Scottish actor Graham McTavish.

7. Will this be the final season?

Castlevania Season 2 wasn’t confirmed until Season 1 was released. We already have confirmation that Season 3 has been greenlit. With the team behind the show knowing that they have longer to tell their story, we can’t wait to see how much they are able to set up come October.

8. What about Grant?

Warren Ellis has said that Grant is his least favorite character from Dracula’s Curse, and his absence from Season 1 was noticed. We aren’t the biggest fans of Grant here either, so that was fine by us, but some fans took issue with it. The trailer shows what appears to be Grant attacking Trevor, so we’re left wondering if this will be a throwaway easter egg, or something more.

9. What about the Vampire Killer?

The Vampire Killer is the whip the Belmont family uses to slay Dracula throughout the centuries. In season 1 we saw it as a leather whip in the hands of Trevor Belmont. Warren Ellis proved excellent at showing the video game convention of a party of heroes coming together interpreted for a TV series, and the trailer clearly shoes Trevor with an upgraded, chain whip. It will be interesting to see how Season 2 handles the convention of weapon upgrades.

10. What was that about Curse of Darkness?

Castlevania: Curse of Darkness (PS2) is a sequel to Dracula’s Curse, taking place three years later. The main character of the game is Hector, a former ally of Dracula who betrayed his master. Promotional art from those involve confirmed that Hector will be a part of Castlevania Season 2. With Season 3 confirmed, we have to wonder if that is Ellis’ endgame for his show.

Check out the trailer and its synthwave inspired sounds here!

The martial arts have played a mystifying role in pop culture ever since the great Bruce Lee graced the screen with sick moves so fast the camera could barely capture them. Perhaps even before that, the very idea of such fighting prowess, with or without a weapon, has been a vivid font for fantasy in the public mind. I remember being drawn to karate and tae kwon do as a youth by heroes such as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I took classes for about a year, but at age 8, all I really did was pick my nose and wiggle my ass in the full-length mirrors lining the wall. I lacked focus and discipline. I revisited the endeavor later in life and made moderate headway, but at that point I had developed other interests that far outweighed my desire to become a fighting machine. I was also, as I am now, about as in-shape as a water balloon with several holes in it.

I loved the video games that featured martial arts, though. Herein, we’ll take a look at a few of the rarer kind of fighting game: the ones that treated it less like a cartoon and more like a sport… or at least made an attempt at pseudo-realism. We’re treating the Grab Bag more like a speed bag or heavy bag as we check out these “real” martial arts titles.

Best of the Best: Championship Karate

Loriciel, 1992

We’ll start off with one that was released across a ton of platforms in one incarnation or another. This game was first released as Andre Panza Kickboxing in Europe, but its release was limited and only included personal computers and the TG-16. Its better-known version was released in 1992 for the NES, Genesis, SNES, and both Amiga and DOS computer systems.

The cool part of Best of the Best is that it’s kind of a career simulator. You can’t just jump in and start collecting championship medals; you’ve got to train to get your stats up and pick your battles based on the tale of the tape. By sparring against a dummy opponent and doing various other exercises in a gym, your fighter builds his stamina, strength and speed to compete with an array of real-life kick boxers emulated within the game.

In the ring and in the gym. A true badass doesn’t waste time. Get at it.

One downfall for me was the control scheme, and I can’t even fault it completely. It’s wonderful how customizable it is, allowing you to go in and set certain moves for certain arrow/button combos, but it can become a bit harrowing to keep up with when you’re in the ring with a CPU opponent that knows what it’s doing by rote. I’d call it a labor of love to get polished with this control scheme, but it isn’t for me. The game itself is quite a commitment, between training and matches… but then, it’s realism we wanted, right?

Budokan: The Martial Spirit

Electronic Arts, 1989

This title saw a broad release across tons of computer and console formats, and received mixed reviews. An earnest attempt at depicting realistic martial arts combat, both armed and unarmed, Budokan puts the player in the shoes of an aspiring student preparing to enter a grand tournament. Matches are fought against a set of variably armed opponents, and during the tournament the player may select from four methods of fighting: the staff, nunchaku, kendo (a rattan sword meant to simulate a katana or similar weapon), or unarmed karate. The CPU opponents are not limited to these weapons, and the player may only choose each of his own methods four times before it is no longer available in the tournament.

This dude is, in fact, serious with this shit.

There are also areas for practicing the four methods of combat, though this game lacks the stat-leveling system present in Best of the Best. The practice is literal, meant to sharpen the actual player’s skill. This practice also helps build an understanding of how ki and stamina work in the game; ki is built up in defense against attacks and then released in your own offense, and stamina is a rough representation of how much punishment you can take. When a fighter’s stamina bottoms out, they’re done.

The controls, yet again, are a little unwieldy and take a bit to get used to. Once you do, however, the big challenge is timing as you learn to adapt to other combatants’ styles and patterns. It’s helpful to at least glance at the pre-fight screens that describe your opponents; each one hints at their style and how one might overcome it. It’s just as tricky to select a good weapon to match your foe’s, since like vs like is not always the ideal strategy. I enjoy the concept of this game overall, as it’s just as cerebral as it is “physical.” It’s not just whack-a-mole. As an aside, the Amiga version has fantastic music and may be the best overall version of the game.

Bushido Blade

Light Weight/Square, 1997

It’s time to dip into some fifth-gen shit. I figured this was a great title to start with. You know how in so many fighting games, everyone has a life bar and every brutal injury takes only a fraction of it? Well, not in Bushido Blade. When you step onto this low-poly battlefield, things get real.

There is a story mode in the game that varies slightly for each character, and not only involves fighting various other figures in the plot but also series of ninjas and other challenges. While the single-player game is wonderful and challenging, it’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m focusing on the VS. Mode.

You and a CPU opponent or another player face off with a choice of weapons in a fight to the death. When I say “to the death,” I don’t mean until some abstract yellow bar is empty. I mean, you fight until someone is on the ground gushing blood. And that doesn’t take as much contact as you think.

Striking and blocking at different angles and heights can be achieved with fairly simple button/arrow combos, and there’s even a little acrobatic work you can do to present a harder target to your opponent. A lazy or hasty strike can leave you open for a counter-attack, and a good hit to a limb will render it useless. Many matches will end swiftly, however, as a blow to the head or torso creates a catastrophic blood-spurt and a sudden defeat. Some of the selectable characters are better-trained with one or another type of weapon, and this is worth reading up on or figuring out. For instance, Kannuki is great with the big power weapons. Give him that broadsword or hammer and watch him smash through an opponent’s defenses.

The graphics are as good as any other early PS1 release, and the sound is killer also. Most fights have no background music, which seems oddly appropriate. The only sounds are those of desperate one-on-one combat.

WEIGHING IN

Best of the Best: 5/10 (It’s really cool, but the controls are occasionally baffling. Visually smooth though.)

Budokan: 6/10 (Great for its time, I think the Amiga version wins out presentation-wise.)

Bushido Blade: 8/10 (One of my favorite PS1 games, hands down.)

ITS THAT FUCKING BAAAAAAG AGAAAAAAIIIIIN

The entire early to mid 90s period was one of fierce competition. Companies competed to release successful games and dominate genres. A new burst of energy hit arcades as new cabinets and innovative titles went head to head for commercial success. I dare say the most pitched battle was at home; the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo Entertainment System locked horns for years for dominance of your living room TV set.

This often involved titles that were released for both platforms, since game developers and publishers were none too shy about exploiting the rivalry for more sales. Exclusivity was still occasionally a thing, but during the Genesis/SNES war, if you wanted a shot at big returns, it was out there if your game had enough hype behind it; just license it for both consoles and let both sets of partisans enjoy your work.

Today’s grab bag will take a look at a few of these games, some of which may have come down from the arcade palaces in port form, and some of which were developed just for console play. I kept it at 3, like I usually do for these articles, but narrowing it down was hard. Here’s three that stand out to me as typical of the era – colorful, far-flung, and even bizarre.

NBA Jam

Midway/Acclaim

1993 (Arcade),1994 (consoles)

In 1994, the Amusement & Music Operators Association reported that NBA Jam was the highest-earning arcade game of all time. It was a formula based (at least loosely) off of a previous Midway game, Arch Rivals, but utilizing the power and vibrancy of the Arcade Renaissance to give it new life and appeal.

I’m not even that big into basketball (I will sometimes watch UNC or Duke games with my family, but to me the family part far outstrips the hoops), and I love NBA Jam. However, I got familiar with it through the Genesis port. You don’t NEED to care a lick about basketball to enjoy it. It’s an extremely approachable setup, and once you figure out how the game works, it’s pretty damn fun whether you’re winning or losing. Imagine a 2 on 2 game with no ref and minimal rules. Shit gets raw out there.

Double clothesline. Classic basketball move.

My distinct memory of both versions (a neighbor had the SNES port) was unlocking goofy or cool alternate characters using the initials-entry screen as a password of sorts. You could get President Clinton, retired legends, mascots, or you could just do shit like make everyone’s heads big. It was secondary to the action, though; between the shoving, dodging, going hard in the paint, and even risky long-shots, this was some high-octane basketball. Both ports of the game got rave reviews just like their arcade daddy, and for good reason. With digitized speech and faithful graphics, both were excellent translations to home gaming from the arcade floor.

RoboCop vs Terminator

Virgin Games

1993 (SNES/Game Gear), 1994 (Genesis/Game Boy)

The logo looked like it could be on the bottom of a sneaker. Don’t get me wrong. I’d have worn those fucking sneakers. Who wouldn’t?

The idea of it is pure magic. I mean, both of these franchises, on their own, had done amazing in terms of draw and earning power. Why not combine them?

Well, I won’t take a dump on this game (either version) like a lot of its contemporary reviewers did, but I will say this: RoboCop vs Terminator was definitely a mixed bag. On the one hand, everything’s digitized or high-quality in some way. There’s a gruesome but tolerable level of blood and gore. It is pretty cool to play as RoboCop and wield a variety of lasers and flamethrowers against the enemy Terminators and gangsters. At least, while the game is still fresh.

The game has its appeal. It definitely picks up a second wind when you finally get to where you’re fighting T-800s as your main enemy instead of a slew of heterogeneous 90s gang members.

What keeps me from really loving it? Well, let’s start with how RoboCop (naturally) is as agile as a toddler wearing full riot gear, and is constantly assailed by walls of projectiles and other barely-avoidable hazards on a regular (read: constant) basis. For instance, RoboCop can fly up a ladder at a speed that boggles the mind, but walks and jumps as if his entire lower body is weighed down like a full diaper and he’s afraid to smush any of it together. Embarrassing, Murphy.

Then there’s Tommy Tallarico’s really strange techno-industrial-hip-hop score, which sounds to me like it belongs in some terrifying HR Giger porno film about virtual reality drug dealers or something. Some tracks are even downright grating, not even like Gnaw Their Tongues or other bands in that vein; this music is trying to be music but becomes harsh noise because it’s so smashed into itself.

So like I said, the game’s extremely half-and-half for me. I can’t seem to hate it, but there’s only so much to love. I reluctantly assert that the Genesis version has slightly “cleaner” sound, but that only helps so much.

Earthworm Jim

Shiny Entertainment

1994

Don’t worry. I love this one as much as you do. I have no plans to rip it up in front of you.

The game started out as an idea at Playmates Toys. They’d made so much money selling TMNT toys that they figured starting their own franchise could make them even more. Out the business-end comes a game that not only beautifully parodies its own genre, but innovates in ways that have become standard in platformers since.

This was exactly when I knew I was dealing with a legendary game.

Earthworm Jim is creativity set loose. It is quality on the level of late Apogee PC games for me: irreverent, loose, funny, dynamic, and outside-the-box. Jim has a cool set of moves and tricks at his disposal as an earthworm in an experimental suit, and he can use them to solve the often compounded problems you face on each level. Many of the tropes of formulaic video games are both utilized and mocked, but the focus is the gameplay. The race minigame is intense enough to be its own game, and no two levels present you with the same challenge. In 1994 it was a delight not to know what to expect at all from this game when we sat down to play it. And Tallarico even made up for some other work with a score that didn’t confuse and terrify me. At least, not in a bad way.

I tried to think of negatives to balance out this appraisal, but had trouble. I guess I could say that the game can be a bit unreasonably rudderless at times, but even I was able to get myself back on track again when I’d lose my way. This game is still exemplary of its type, 23 years later.

Ratings

NBA Jam – 7/10

RoboCop vs Terminator – 4/10

Earthworm Jim – 9/10

It’s time for us to cross the streams, true believers.

There’s a lot of talk about comics here on NRW, and rightly so. Joey has his own awesome strand of articles wherein he sheds light on the old and exposes us to the retro-new, and we love it, because Joey is to the medium of comics what I am to sitting on my ass in front of a CRT monitor with a controller in my hand: he’s a passionate expert on the subject. It’s worth diving into; when done well, the comic book or graphic novel is an art form capable of deftly transporting the reader to new worlds – some like our own, and some realities away from it.

What can’t be overlooked is how the comic book multiverse has been thrust into the colored-light beams and binary rows of the VG grinder time and time again in the plodding quest to juice franchises for more revenue. Here’s the dolorous stroke, folks: We’re going to take a look at how they’ve done this with one of Marvel’s undisputed icons, their bread-and-butter household name… Spider-Man. Peter Parker, the world’s most beloved wise-cracking web slinger, has been dipped in silicon and code frequently throughout video gaming’s history, with results that I will be kind and describe as “varied.”

I mean, he’s an icon. Some comics fans think he’s a pussy. Honestly, I do too. I’m more of a Punisher guy. No one can deny, however, that Peter Parker is one of the most luminous stars in comic book history. (Artwork by Michael Golden)

Everyone’s pretty familiar with Spidey’s origins and powers. He got bit by a radioactive spider, got some powers, lost his uncle to crime, and got serious about cleaning up the Big Apple (and sometimes beyond). The wall-crawler has made tons of friends and enemies since his appearance in the 60s, from goblins to murderous hunters to symbiotic aliens that abandoned him and sought out his unstable and disgruntled colleagues for revenge (Venom is the man!) Pete’s powers, coupled with his nifty web-shooting devices, make for the possibility of great dynamic gameplay if translated creatively into digital form. Right?

Ah, shit, kids… let’s just do this. I’m not gonna look at every game, but we’ll examine the prominent titles that most of us may have seen or played.

Spider-Man (1982)

Platform: Atari 2600

Culprits: Parker Brothers/Atari

Eh. It’s not great, but everything looked like this in 1982. At least we can tell which one’s Spider-Man.

You’ll probably expect me to be cruel here, because I do lean on the side of bastardry when it comes to the 2600. I mean… eh. Let’s stay in context… this isn’t bad for a 2600 game. Considering the limits of the system graphics- and sound-wise, you get a good representation of the key elements. Gameplay consists of getting up on top of the building and kicking Green Goblin’s ass, which to be fair, ate up a lot of Peter’s logged superhero hours in the 70s/80s either together or as separate activities. Using your web shooters is a little tedious, but once you’ve got the hang of how to do it in a rhythm and pull yourself up, it’s pretty fun. I suppose my only knock on this one is that it’s not enough to do. But then, not every 2600 game can be Burgertime and crush your soul with raw chaos.

The Amazing Spider-Man (1990)

Platforms: Amiga, Atari ST, PC Compatibles

Culprits: Oxford Digital/Paragon Software

Let me start off with something nice before I put my hands under the table and fucking lift. The Amiga has always stood out for its time as a system capable of audiovisual richness, and this game really turns her out. The ST and PC versions are decent in that regard too, although the audio quality varies.

“Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!”  I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.

Now, let’s talk about HOW they chose to turn her out. The controls are pretty fucking far from intuitive; while I expect translating Spider-Man’s iconic means of locomotion to be a challenge for a game developer, this shit is just abyss you’ll keep falling into until you start being meticulously careful… which isn’t prudent in 90% of the situations you’ll be navigating. Move fast? Move really carefully? The answer to both is usually no. Again, I can’t knock the graphics, but there’s something inherently wrong about this image, seen during the intro. Something that reminds me of “non-Euclidean shapes,” “lightless gulfs across time and space,” and “red-haired woman being forcibly abducted by a fishbowl-headed mannequin.” Poor Mary Jane.

somebodys_fetish.jpg

Almost as bizarre is the choice to represent your life bar as a picture of Spider-Man that turns skeletal from the feet upward as you move closer to death.

He looks a little embarrassed. I don’t blame him.

Last gripe: the game is, at least to me, unreasonably goddamn long considering the tedium it is to play. You can watch a longplay here, and be sure to listen to the entire intro music, or at least sit through it for as long as you can before reaching for that little red track-bar to skip through it and save your sanity.

Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six (1992)

Platforms: NES, Game Gear, Master System

Culprits: LJN (OF COURSE), Flying Edge, Bits Studios

This game is mercifully short, but still feels like being hurled into a black hole and somehow kept alive to slowly lose one’s mind via time dilation. Spider-Man, despite being fully human height, has the same general proportions as Wee Man from Jackass. His ability to leap through the air is admirable, and the controls aren’t too bad… until you try to do any of the shit Spider-Man is known for doing in terms of movement. The graphics are candy-colored palettes of pure hell wherein men are depicted universally as shoeless mongoloids and no light seems to penetrate anything (despite the garish coloration of everything).

It’s like Willy Wonka took a massive shit all over everything, and really wasn’t feeling well when he did. I bumble forth, capable of great feats of agility but barely able to keep my goose neck from dropping my pumpkin head onto my barrel chest. As Spider-Man, I am the monster, and I belong here.

A small handful of farty, tooty pieces of music cycle as you penetrate deeper into the Sinister Six’s criminal kingdom, presenting a strange yet totally-LJN mix of jazzy swing and “I ate so many tabs I can’t even tell what genre this is.” The drums punch at the listener’s mind, almost as if they are intended to pummel you into accepting the rest of this musical affront as tolerable. It’s like a rave in a Civil War graveyard, and someone invited Dizzy Gillespie. Actually, fuck that… that’d rule. This doesn’t.

Again, I can’t flush this game completely; it’s a decent effort overall, but LJN had a tendency (with a scant few exceptions) to attach its name to something and then pile drive it into the floor until no amount of reconstructive surgery could fix it.

Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage (1994)

Platforms: Genesis. SNES

Culprits: LJN, Acclaim, Software Creations

We’re ending on a positive note. We have to. We owe it to ourselves.

I really liked the Maximum Carnage story arc in the comics. It’s held high by some and shit on by others, but there’s something about a villain so terrifying that two bitter enemies (not to mention a wild cross section of Marvel’s 90s line-up) combined forces to defeat him as he rampaged across New York with his own wrecking crew. I love big events, and I LOVE villains. And Carnage… well, he’s one burning hell of a villain.

Really, if anyone deserves this shit, it’s JJ. 

This effort did decent justice to the source material. I’ll keep this simple and just tick off some pros and cons.

PROS

-Venom is a playable character

-Morbius shows up, along with Deathlok, Black Cat, Iron Fist, and a few other underrated Marvel good guys

-it’s a beat-em-up, and not a bad one, either

-comic book style cut scenes, and they’re not done poorly

–pretty damn good music

-LJN didn’t set this one on fire and stand back playing pocket pool while it burned to slag

Really cool audio-visual presentation all around. It keeps true to the comic feel without burning that candle at both ends with a welding torch.

CONS

-The music did not sound as good in the Genesis version

-This game is also long; why the hell does Spider-Man mean “long fucking game” almost uniformly to game designers

-It’s incredibly unfair to put bad-ass characters like Black Cat, Iron Fist and Morbius in here and not have them as full-on playables

-I feel like a lot of the villains get undersold in terms of their powers and badass-ness

-Still, to make an understatement, a bit fucking cumbersome to do the web slinging thing, although it must be acknowledged that it’s better in this than in any predecessor

Overall, Maximum Carnage is fun as hell. I owned the Genesis cart as a kid and got a lot of replay value out of it. It’s a net win due to presentation and the choice of formatting it as a beat-em-up, which makes it approachable on a level far beyond its ancestors in Spidey’s video game library.

That brings us to 1994, folks, so I guess I’ll put the brakes on it here. Thanks for reading, and before I go, I suppose I owe you some number ratings on these hunks of pop media history.

Atari 2600: 6/10

Amiga: 5/10

NES: 3/10

Genesis/SNES: 7/10

See you at the end of the month, RetroFans! Excelsior!!!

So, the first SNES I owned was in 1999. I was a Sega guy during the competing time period, but eventually I got a used SNES from a friend. He threw in a handful of games… Super Mario World, F-Zero, Zelda… Nosferatu? You can guess which one I tried first when I got home. I still consider it a top note for the SNES, and a great topic to usher us into October.

Published by Seta in October of 1994, Nosferatu wouldn’t be released in America for another year. It got mixed but mostly positive reviews, many citing its dark, cinematic atmosphere and challenging gameplay as strong points. Nosferatu caught some heat for its controls and its combat system; they took some getting used to but could be used to good effect once mastered.

Japanese cover reveals an unedited version of the artwork. Slightly less “K-A,” but whatever.

Now, what comes to mind (and rightly so) when the term “Nosferatu” gets thrown about is the 1922 FW Murnau silent film, perhaps specifically Max Schreck’s awe-inspiring portrayal of Count Orlok from said film. Sadly, we’ll find this to have nothing at all to do with the film, but it is almost as classy. I say almost because our protagonist in the game does a good deal of fighting the living dead with his hands and feet. It’s not classy, but it’s insanely badass.

If a trope ain’t broke, don’t fix it… Nosferatu took your gal. That’s the entire plot. Apparently he’s really bad about this kind of thing. While you’re up there, see if you could talk to him about all the bloodsucking.

After you fall into some kind of trap door right inside the castle gate, you’ve got a timer ticking down and little gargoyle men after you. Naturally, you fell in a dungeon, so there’s pits and ledges, and of course, TRAPS. So you can see what kind of game this will be right from the start. Everything’s a puzzle, but you’ve got your blood and guts, too; our hero has a surprisingly fast set of hands and is in very good shape. So the job of the day (night?) is to reach where Nosferatu’s got your lady friend, getting there in one piece. Needless to say, his whole realm is a hellish place. There’s the undead trying to add you to their ranks, and there’s away to deal with them, but it’s easy to get carried away and hurt. The game requires careful strategy and a bit of thought as you pick your way through.

The graphics are pretty amazing, especially the bits of cinematic we get. Lots of high quality background and animation work, especially on little baddies and the like. I feel like in places, the music falls short. Most of the tracks are good horror music; they build tension and convey stress. Some of the tracks just sound… dated, I guess, but it’s good where it counts.

I give Nosferatu for the SNES a 7 out of 10. It was an underrated but forward-thinking title that came out at a weird time for the console, but like the (unrelated) 1922 silent film, it still has its fans to this day. There was a great adventure game in there, and they did a lot right. Don’t let this one slip through the cracks.

As many JRPG fans know, when Final Fantasy II was released for the SNES in America in 1991, it was actually the fourth installment in the series. As all too often happens between here and there, the second and third titles weren’t released stateside until a long time after their inception. Nonetheless, US and European fans were pleased to have another entry in the loosely-connected saga of FF, and were blown away by its monumental quality.

The Japanese box art for the Super Famicom version. The characters depicted are more evocative of the first game than this one, and the art is of a cutesy “super-deformed” style now very popular in anime and manga.

Everyone who loves the classic Final Fantasy games has their favorite title… for many (perhaps most), it is Cloud and Tifa’s tale in VII, or maybe even the return to form seen in part IX. I have always loved IV more than any of them, for a slew of reasons. Firstly, it’s a fantastic, richly detailed story, ahead of its time by far. Secondly, I love any tale that strongly features redemption as a theme (spoilers). Thirdly, it is the first RPG video game I ever played that was truly character-driven.

The Red Wings on their way to beat some ass and steal a crystal. (SNES version)

FFIV revolves primarily around Cecil, a dark knight in the service of the Kingdom of Baron, leader of a group known as the Red Wings. The Red Wings have been tasked with collecting a set of powerful magical crystals, and have been instructed to do so no matter what they have to do. The game begins, in fact, with a cinematic sequence showing them doing just that. They slaughter a group of mages who barely resist to claim the Water Crystal for the King. Upon returning with it, Cecil questions the King’s motives and is stripped of his command. He and his friend Kain, a member of the King’s Dragoons, are sent on a quest to deliver a sinister magic ring to a village called Mist. This begins the story in earnest.

Cecil battles the Earth Fiend Scarmiglione with the help of the sage Tellah and the twin mages Palom and Porom. (GBA version)

In the process, Kain betrays and reconciles with Cecil, and the group of heroes expands to include others who reject the evil of the King. It is found that a villain named Golbez is behind all the wickedness afoot, and Cecil must step up to the plate and redeem himself to stop it. There’s so much more detail, and I really recommend you grab the game in one of its modern incarnations to play yourself… but we’ll get to that. In between, the player leads a changing crew of warriors, mages, healers and scoundrels across the world. The adventures go from ruined cities like Damcyan and exotic settings like the city of Fabul to strange locales such as the inside of a mechanical colossus and even the moon!

One of the more interesting battles, the CPU inside the mechanical Giant of Babil. You must destroy them in a certain sequence… (PSP version)

Squaresoft has refurbished and improved this title several times, beginning in 1997 with a PS1 version. It was later released for the Game Boy Advance and the PSP, again for the Nintendo DS. I’m currently replaying it via the incredible Android/iOS port, which is possibly the most easily found by modern gamers and is fairly affordable for such a detailed game. In 2014, FFIV was also released for Windows. The music, scored by the legendary Nobuo Uematsu, is fully half of the immersion experience, and is often hauntingly beautiful. It ranks among his finest work in the series, which is truly saying something since Uematsu is easily among the masters in VG scoring. I have embedded the Nintendo DS version, but almost all the other versions can be found on YouTube if you wish to hear them.

I would rate Final Fantasy IV a strong 9/10. It is a benchmark in its genre’s history, not to mention a work of art that could easily stand on its own if not already part of gaming’s finest RPG series. Like many of its prequels and sequels, it remains popular and retains the attention of generations of gamers.

Here’s a glimpse of the final boss fight from the iOS/Android version. See you later, RetroFans!

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For tonight’s main event, I present one of my favorite sports games! Well, “sports entertainment” games, anyway.

If you’ve been a longtime reader of our site, then you may know that one of my guilty pleasures is classic pro wrestling, particularly from the mid 70s to the mid 90s. In the 80s and early 90s, the WWF was a parade of colorful, wild characters, and they seemed to live in their own self-contained realm. It was a world of impossible possibilities. The sports entertainment industry was engaged in a cold war during this era, which peaked during the Monday Night Wars (so called because WWF and WCW’s flagship shows both aired on Monday nights and thus competed for ratings). You may not know anything about that, and you may not even care. I respect that. However, if you played video games in the early 90s, you probably at least shook hands with WWF Royal Rumble on your Genesis or SNES.

SNES box art.

Box art for the Genesis version.

Royal Rumble is named after the popular event held every January by what is now known as the WWE. Unlike a typical pro wrestling match (two wrestlers or two tag teams competing to pin one another for a 3 count), the Rumble is an event that can include up to 40 (but usually 20-30) wrestlers. A wrestler is eliminated if he goes over the top rope for any reason. This general idea existed before, but it had every single wrestler in the ring as the match began… and made for one big visual clusterfuck for the fans. Longtime WWF employee Pat Patterson came up with the idea of having two wrestlers start off, then having new grapplers enter the ring at timed intervals. This allowed for a longer-lasting and more exciting product.

Magazine ad for the SNES game. It hit the shelves a couple months before the Genesis version.

This same excitement carries over pretty well into the video game, which was released for both the Genesis/Mega Drive and the SNES. It was developed by Sculptured Software, a company that later assimilated into Acclaim. LJN published the game for both systems. While LJN is well-known among retro gamers as an infamous peddler of turd sandwiches (if you want an example, check out their NES cartridge for Back to the Future), they kept their hands off the nuts & bolts of this one. Royal Rumble is actually the middle game of a sort of trilogy; 1992’s Super Wrestlemania is a more basic version and a prequel, while WWF Raw came along in 1994 with a bit more detail and an updated roster. Ultimately, I prefer Royal Rumble. It captures most of the wrestlers I remember from the television shows, and it’s a good compromise between simplicity and innovative play design.

The game features 12 WWF Superstars, five of which depend on what console you use to rumble. Much like the Soul Calibur series features console-specific characters for today’s gamers, your roster in Royal Rumble was different if you were playing on a Genesis. If you were a Hulk Hogan fan, you wanted that version. If, like me, wanted to style and profile with Ric Flair, you went with the SNES version.  Both versions featured the big WWF names of the time: Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Razor Ramon, Lex Luger (known at that time as The Narcissist), Bam Bam Bigelow, Crush, and the immortal Macho Man Randy Savage. The SNES-specific roster was filled out by Flair, Tatanka, sumo villain Yokozuna, Mr. Perfect, and the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. The Genesis swaps those out for IRS (yes, a gimmick villain who works for the Internal Revenue Service), Rick Martel (The Model),  a voodoo-themed guy named Papa Shango, and my personal favorite when I was a kid, Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

The complete roster for both versions. Top row, left to right: Bret Hart, Crush, Hulk Hogan, IRS, Jim Duggan, Lex Luger (Narcissist). Second row: Mr. Perfect, Papa Shango, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, Ric Flair (WOOOOOO), Rick Martel (The Model). Bottom: Shawn Michaels, Tatanka, Ted DiBiase, Undertaker, Yokozuna.

Players can pick their favorite wrestlers and step into the squared circle with a friend or the CPU. Singles, tag teams, even three-man tag… you can do it all in exhibitions or tournaments, and the “brawl” game type allows you to duke it out with no referee and no holds barred! You can go for the belts that way, or you can select a grappler and go for the ultimate prize… winner of the Royal Rumble itself. The controls take a minute to figure out when you first sit down and plug this game in, but once you’ve got them, you’ve got them. Every wrestler has the same punches and kicks, and can run the ropes and “lock up” with an opponent using other buttons. There’s not a lot of complex combos or anything, which is nice if you like a break from other fighting games. Once you’ve locked up, pick a button and tap it as fast as you can to overpower your foe and hurl him to the mat with any of several moves. Wrestling fans will recognize the suplexes, body slams, and hip tosses they all know and love, and if these are used cleverly, you can even hurl the other guy out of the ring like a sack of potatoes. When you’re out there (or if you manage to conk out the ref for a minute), you can do some underhanded moves like choke your opponent or even thumb his eye. All participants in a match have “life bars” that represent how much damage and abuse they can handle before they’re all out of gas and the fight has left them. In “brawl” matches, the loser is the first one to lose all his meter, while all it does in refereed matches or the Rumble is make you tired and easier to pin or throw out. Finally, every wrestler has his own special move, just like the “real” thing! All of them are activated by pressing the R button (SNES) or the A+B buttons (Genesis, although if you had the 6 button pad you could press X). The moves require your foe to be beaten all the way down, or close to it, and each wrestler has to stand in a specific place or have things set up right to make it happen. For instance, Randy Savage’s famous elbow drop can only be done off the turnbuckle while your foe is prone nearby, and Ric Flair’s signature Figure Four requires you to press the button while standing at a prone opponent’s feet.

Gallery

The graphics for both versions are fairly good, although the SNES version looks slightly more polished. The sound effects are comical, involving a lot of grunts and moans of pain. They don’t vary from character to character. The music is comprised mainly of the wrestlers’ entrance themes; otherwise, there is no music while you sweat and bleed under the lights. There is only the monotone howling of the virtual crowd. I will say that while the SNES’s music will always sound goofy and “fluffy” to me, both versions do a good job of representing the actual pieces of music.

Odds are, you played this game (And maybe even liked it) even if you weren’t a fan of WWF or wrestling. I was a fan, and I loved it. I give Royal Rumble 7 out of 10. It’s a fun, easy-to-learn game with very adjustable difficulty, and it offers a lot of choices and control to the player. It’s not a legend or a must-have title, but I often see it underrated by others who review retro games.

Stay tuned, RetroManiacs! More action at the end of the month. 

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