Rammellzee (stylized RAMM:ΣLL:ZΣΣ, pronounced “Ram: Ell: Zee”; December 15, 1960 – June 28, 2010) was a visual artist, gothic futurist “graffiti writer”, painter, performance artist, art theoretician, sculptor and a hip hop musician from New York City, who has been cited as “instrumental in introducing elements of the avant-garde into hip-hop culture”. Since 2021, Rammellzee’s work is exclusively represented by Jeffrey Deitch.

Many of think of MF DOOM as the first man to don a mask and make an impact in HipHop but, that isn’t the case. Doom may have been the illest ‘Supervillain‘, and one of the greatest HipHop artists of all time, he wasn’t the first. That title may rest on the crown of Rammellzee.

As much of an iconoclast as he was a contributor to the culture of HipHop, Rammellzee started as a graffiti writer in the late 1970’s writing on the A trains but, became associated with the wild style writers of the East Village; using near illegible lettering, inspired by the gothic script of Medieval manuscripts. Running around NYC with the likes of Jean Michel Basquiat, Lee Quiñones, DONDI, OU3, doctor REVOLT, INK 76,  and others. He was a contributing factor in making what’s considered the most valuable (collectible) HipHop album of all time – “Beat Bop” with K-Rob and a cover by Basquiat. Beat Bop was featured in the graffiti documentary STYLE WARS. He would eventually record more albums and collaborate with Bill Laswell and William S. Burroughs.

He has stated that his name is derived from RAM plus M for Magnitude, Sigma (Σ) the first summation operator, first L – longitude, second L – latitude, Z – z-bar, Σ, Σ – summation.

• www.peoplepill.com/people/rammellzee

His signature style was Gothic Futurism. Gothic Futurism was his own brand and the embodiment of his art. Gothic Futurism summarized as the conflict between the symbolism of letters against the structures of the alphabet and mundane conceptions of language. He would perform wearing self-made masks either as himself or other characters representing the mathematical equation that is his name. When his graffiti style became more mainstream, he morphed the language by making the letter more mechanized, cybernetic, militarized with a new style he called , “Iconoclastic Panzer”. He unlike Churchill had visually weaponized the English language. Letter Racers was another version of “Iconoclast Panzer” where each letter was locked in a galactic battle against one another.

Rammellzee’s description of the Letter Racers is as follows:

“Humans…in the 14th Century the monks ornamented and illustrated the manuscripts of letters. In the 21st and 22nd century the letters of the alphabet through competition are now armamented for letter racing and galactic battles. This was made possible by a secret equation known as THE RAMM:ELL:ZEE.”

Rammellzee is celebrated in Big Audio Dynamite’s song, ‘Come On Every Beat Box’. In 2010 Buckethead released a tribute song called, ‘Rammellzee: Hero of the Abyss’. March 2021, DJ MUGGS (Cypress Hill) and Queens rapper FLEE LORD named their collaboration album after Rammellzee; who is a major influence on the album and features clips and footage of him in their long music video for the record on Muggs Soul Assassins youtube page.

Rammellzee has shown in galleries throughout New York City and Europe. His work is in the collection of the Museum of Modern Art, New York. His live/work loft studio space on 46 Laight Street in the TriBeCa neighborhood, which he shared with his wife Carmela, was named Battlestation. It was a frequented by artists and art enthusiasts looking to absorb the energy of his costumes and artwork.  After 9/11, the building was sold in order to build luxury condos and this forced Rammellzzee and Carmela to move to a smaller place in Battery Park City, and relocate his 20 years worth of artwork into a storage unit. Some of this stored work was included in the 2011 art exhibition, Art in the Streets at Museum of Contemporary Art Los Angeles. In May 2018, Red Bull Arts New York opened its exhibition RAMMΣLLZΣΣ: Racing for Thunder, billed in its press release as “the largest survey to date of one of the most influential yet overlooked artists of the 20th century.”

Rammellzee was married to Carmela Zagari Rammellzee. He died in New York City on June 28, 2010, at the age of 49, having suffered from the exposure to glue, paint fumes, resin and other toxins through his work and from liver problems. The official cause of death was listed as heart disease

Along with the likes of roller discos and dinner parties, one of the not-so-obvious trends of the 80s was evening classes. Don’t restrict yourself to car maintenance and learning Italian, why not bring your retro learning into the 21st century and consider improving your strategic thinking, candle making, baking, or even learn how to read criminals’ minds with an online forensic psychology course.
It also seems like everyone has been embracing 90s fashion at the music festivals this year. Whether you opt for a 90s-style slip dress or a checkered shirt and a pair of low waisted jeans for a grunge look, the 90s look is still a bang on trend (although let’s just hope the 90s trend of the oversized flower hats doesn’t bloom again!)

One of the coolest ways to say, “I love you” in the 80’s was to make them a mix tape. While not all of us have access to a “ghetto blaster” or a Walkman, they are easy to pick up in secondhand shops and on auction sites. Choose from the 80s and 90s icons like Madonna, Wham!, and Oasis as well as your favorite Retrowave artists who embrace this genre such as VHS Glitch, Daniel Deluxe, and Timecop1983. Don’t forget to nail those renowned 80’s dance routines, too!

A classic thing to do in the 80’s was to throw a dinner party, so why not embrace the retro trend and throw an 80’s themed get-together. Include cult dishes like prawn cocktail, quiche Lorraine, and the classic peach melba — so delicious! Wash it all down with a cheeky glass of Babycham or a snowball.
You gotta roll with it, too! The roller disco was an 80s institution and it is enjoying a comeback. Don your leg warmers and your leotards and get rolling to your favorite tunes. Why not organize one of your own or head to the likes of Carwash London for a retro-inspired night out?

Collecting things was a huge thing in both the 80s and 90s — from trolls to yin and yang jewelry to my little ponies to beanie babies — so why not start or indeed finish a collection of some of the coolest things from the 80s and 90s?

These days we pass the days by playing with our mobile phones, but in the 80s and 90s, not so much. We passed the time making origami paper quizzes, waiting for the phone box to be free so we could make a call, and who could forget trying to nail that all-important Rubik’s cube! What are your favorite memories from the 80s and 90s?

Then there’s a little series that came on HBO in 1989 and opened it all up into a bloody mess… Tales from the Crypt.

The original brain-seed for the series was one of a set of comic book series from the 1950s; Tales from the Crypt ran 27 bi-monthly issues from 1950 to 1955 that broke rules even back then. In fact, Bill Gaines (The publisher, who ran EC Comics, the imprint under which the horror comics were produced) was among those called to testify in the highly-publicized 1954 Senate Subcommittee hearings that resulted in the Comics Code Authority we know today. While gone, the comic was far from forgotten, and had a lasting influence on a generation of future storytellers. Publisher Russ Cochran has overseen several reprints of the original EC line, and EC itself eventually doubled down on another title in its repertoire… MAD Magazine.

This is the issue where Crime Patrol went completely out the window and starting being about werewolves and shit. History, needless to say, was made.

It’s worth noting that, in 1972, Amicus Films produced a Tales from the Crypt movie. While it isn’t incredible, it’s still pretty good, and stars Peter Cushing, Joan Crawford, and has Ralph Richardson as the Crypt Keeper. The film was a modest success; it spawned a sequel (named after another EC horror title, Vault of Horror) in 1973. For a good while afterward, the crypt was quiet. The dead slept.

Cushing as the undead Mr. Grimsdyke, Richardson as the Crypt Keeper, and the typically cheesy 70s-style titles of the 1972 film.

Then suddenly, in mid-1989, commercials began to air on pay-cable channel HBO…

I still remember these commercials chilling my young blood. My first sight of the undead host had me both horrified and fascinated… I could barely stand to look into his perfect blue eyes, but I had to know more.

On the left, you have the Crypt Keeper as he appeared from 1950 to 1955 in the comics. On the right, you have him in 1989 on the TV show. Clearly, 34 years can do a lot.

The Crypt Keeper was designed and built by Kevin Yagher, a special FX artist famous for his work on Nightmare on Elm Street 2 though 4, Child’s Play, and other horror blockbusters. The puppet required a team of puppeteers to operate, including a rig to handle the intricate facial movements that made him seem all too real. The voice of the undead storyteller was provided by John Kassir, a talented voice actor whose work you’ve definitely heard if you’ve ever watched cartoons. Kassir adopted a high, rich but reedy tone for the Crypt Keeper’s speech, providing an odd touch of class while remaining insidious. The end result had long lasting psychological impact on me as a kid; I found the Crypt Keeper both terrifying and fascinating due to how real he seemed, how lifelike the movements of his dead face and body looked.

Left to Right: Puppeteer Brock Winkless showing off the electronics used for manipulating CK’s ghastly facial movements; a diagram showing how his body was animated; and his creator, Kevin Yagher, creeping in for a selfie with the decayed horror host.

This isn’t to say the content of the show itself wasn’t also amazing. There are plenty of episodes that come off as corny, but even those have value; what truly stand out are the episodes with all-star casts that tell memorable stories and contain innovative film work or FX. I’d like to note that while the ones I mention are my favorites, they are far from the only ones worth seeing; I advise anyone who hasn’t had a look to seek out the DVDs or Blu-Rays… and a little bird told me some episodes might be on YouTube… there are few episodes that don’t have something to like.

My man was a big star for a while. He had his own TV show for 7 seasons, rubbed elbows with celebrities, and even had an action figure made in his likeness. But stars have the farthest to fall. Still… that is a killer tux. Unknown Hinson either loaned that to him or is envious of it. I’ll bet anything on that.

Season 1 starts off slow, with a few real clunkers, but two episodes deserve notice. One is actually the very first episode, “The Man Who Was Death.” It stars William Sadler as the man who pulls the switch in a penitentiary’s Death Row; he loses his job due to the repeal of the death penalty and decides to keep doing his work freelance. The episode is excellent not only for Sadler’s top-notch performance, but because it sets the tone for many tales to come; Without spoiling too much, the executioner gets his just desserts in a truly ironic twist of events. “And All Through the House” is another noteworthy episode, starring Mary Ellen Trainor (the mom from Goonies) as an unscrupulous wife who kills her husband, with the legendary and late Larry Drake (Dr. Giggles) as the psycho Santa who interrupts her insidious plan. These two episodes set the bar for the series moving forward.

Season 2’s most notable episode is “The Switch,” directed by none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger himself. William Hickey plays an old millionaire who is deeply infatuated with a beautiful young lady (played by 80s-90s bombshell Kelly Preston). He has a doctor replace parts of his body with those of a young man named Hans when the young lady claims to like fit men; Once he’s bankrupted himself to gain the bodybuilder’s form, she decides she’s attracted to money instead… and walks off with the now-shriveled bodybuilder, who has the millionaire’s body… and his millions. Schwarzenegger makes a cameo appearance in the Crypt Keeper segments, starting a trend that would continue as stars occasionally hammed it up with the old corpse. Episode 14, “Lower Berth,” tells a tale of circus freaks, love, violence… and the origin of a certain famous horror host… It isn’t particularly innovative or memorable on its own, but “Lower Berth” is still noteworthy for more great FX work.

Yes, that’s a baby Crypt-Keeper. Yes, this one’s based on a story from the comics where they find a baby Crypt Keeper. And yes… this was a choice they made.

The series began to hit its stride in Season 3, and three episodes immediately came to mind that show how versatile Tales from the Crypt was becoming in terms of the stories told. “Carrion Death” features Kyle MacLachlan as an escaped convicted killer, an unusual but well-played role for him. He and the police officer who tries to bring him in (George DelHoyo) are the only characters seen onscreen… unless you count the vultures in the desert that serves as the episode’s grim setting. “Yellow,” one of my favorite episodes, could well be considered one of the best in the entire series. Set during World War I (Specifically 1918), this episode is less horror than it is a wartime morality play. Kirk Douglas plays a general whose son (Eric Douglas) is a lieutenant under him during some of the war’s worst trench fighting. Sadly, the apple has fallen far from the tree, and the general must face the humiliating truth that his son is a coward. Lance Henriksen and Dan Aykroyd play supporting roles, and I don’t need to tell you that the acting is superb throughout. One could even consider it supplemental viewing for the WWI drama Paths to Glory, also starring Kirk Douglas. “The Reluctant Vampire” stars Malcolm MacDowell as a bloodsucker who gets his fix by working as the night watchman at a blood bank. The episode also stats George Wendt (Cheers) as the blood bank manager and Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes) as Dr. Rupert van Helsing. It’s a bit more of the black humor than the horror, but the episode is charming and hard not to enjoy.

Season 4 continues the hit parade, and its sixth episode, “What’s Cookin,” stars Christopher Reeve, Judd Nelson, and Meal Loaf in a story about a restaurant owner’s quest to find the perfect dish… at any costs. “Split Personality” features Joe Pesci as a con-man who pursues a pair of knockout twins by pretending to be a pair of twins himself. Let’s just say it doesn’t work out for him, and he finds himself torn between the lovely girls! “Werewolf Concerto” plays out a lot like a good mystery, eventually pitting a monstrous lycanthrope (Timothy Dalton) against a clever vampiress (Beverly D’Angelo) at its conclusion. This episode also stars Dennis Farina, Reginald VelJohnson, and even Wolfgang Puck as the other guests at the resort where the monster battle goes down.

The fifth season has less to offer overall, but contains two episodes worth discussing. The first, “Death of Some Salesmen,” is a testament to the versatility and talent of an actor some of us may be familiar with… one Tim Curry. Curry plays all three members of a deranged family who kidnap and eventually serve twisted justice to a crooked salesman played by Ed Begley Jr. Not only is the performance by Tim Curry the stuff of legend, but the camerawork is excellent as well, deftly maintaining the illusion that these are three separate people and not one amazingly talented actor. A cameo by Yvonne DeCarlo (The Munsters) caps this off as another of my favorites in the series. Also notable is “Oil’s Well That Ends Well,” a crime story about a set of swindlers who really have it in for each other over a bit of bubbling crude. One of them has a distinctive laugh you may have heard in the series… in fact, you’ve heard it often.

Season 6 and 7 are when Tales from the Crypt began its decline; there were still episodes worth watching, but they became fewer and further between. One is Season 6’s “You, Murderer,” which stars John Lithgow, Isabella Rossellini, Sherilyn Fenn… and Humphrey Bogart. The FX crew didn’t need a shovel or a necromancer to put Bogie onscreen; the episode was an experiment in then-blossoming digital video technology. We see Bogart’s face through reflections in mirrors, glass, and elsewhere… but barely do we ever see things outside his own point of view, which is how the story is framed. It’s all done very skillfully, and remains an excellent example of good digital film work to this day. Lastly, Season 7 contains the only animated episode, “The Third Pig,” a much more… well, adult retelling of the classic “three little pigs” story. The antagonist, the Big Bad Wolf, is voiced by none other than Bobcat Goldthwait.

TFTC also put its name on a trio of films; two are pretty decent and one is absolutely terrible. Demon Knight, released by Universal in 1995, features William Sadler as a good guy this time, a nearly-immortal soldier keeping a sacred vial of blood safe from demons who want to rule the Earth. Billy Zane plays the human-seeming leader of these evil creatures as they lay siege to an old hotel Sadler’s character has been cornered inside of. Jada Pinkett plays the young woman who eventually inherits the guardianship and ends the demon problem… for the time being. While it isn’t a classic at any rate, Demon Knight is worth a watch, and has some great FX as well as a few solid scares.

Billy Zane as the most charming demon you’ll ever meet. Zane easily steals the show, as evidenced in this supercut of his performance for the film.

Bordello of Blood (1996) is about vampire whores, and stars Dennis Miller as a private investigator trying to get to the bottom of a young man’s disappearance. Erika Eleniak, Corey Feldman, and Chris Sarandon also star in the bizarre black comedy film. Aubrey Morris plays a secondary role as the mortician whose business conceals the bloodsucker brothel, and the vampires are led by none other than 90s model-actress Angie Everheart. Everheart’s performance is decidedly wooden, but everyone else does a fantastic job making this one fun. Miller’s style of comedy is admittedly not everyone’s taste, but his co-stars make up for him by playing decent foils to his constant referential comedy. All said and done, this one bombed at the box office.

This shot typifies the movie. Angie Everheart delivers some flat-as-a-board line in her best “sexy” voice and Dennis Miller replies with something… very Dennis Miller. There is a badass vampire-destruction sequence (NSFW – TITS) in the middle and the FX are better than okay, but audiences didn’t care for this one.

Ritual (2002) started off not even bearing the TFTC imprint. RKO’s final film, it stars Tina Grey (Dirty Dancing) and Tim Curry in a clumsy jaunt through medicine, money, and the supernatural. Grey plays a medical professional who loses her license and takes a job on an island as a young man’s nurse. She comes to suspect, over time, that he is under someone else’s influence. Universal and Miramax bandied back and forth about who would own and release this movie, and if the Tales from the Crypt dressing would even grace it… the end result is a set of endcaps hosted by an incredibly shitty version of the puppet. He looks horrible, moves horribly, and even sounds horrible because of the affected accent. It’s an atrocity. It makes me sad that this was the note RKO died on.

All I’m going to show you is the cover of the DVD release, and even that’s a goddamn disaster. If you insist on hurting yourself, I’m pretty sure this one’s on YouTube, and the owners of the intellectual property don’t give a shit because they know they created a masochist’s playground.

In July of 1996, TFTC was canceled. It was felt, perhaps rightfully, that the show had run its due course. The franchise lingered on for a while; there was a childrens’ version of the show (and an accompanying line of action figures), a Nickelodeon-style game show, and even a radio show in 2000 for Seeing Ear Theater. The Crypt Keeper hosted a couple events, notably 2013’s New Years Eve celebration on FEARnet (warning, pathetic)… but he wasn’t his old self. The wonders of the original puppet were lost, replaced by a cheap and toylike mannequin that barely moved.

Speaking of toys… this guy’s been with me since I was 11. When I go places, sometimes I pack him for good luck. And oh boy… has he been places. Also, shut up, the bathroom has the best lighting for shitty photos taken with a cell phone.

But let’s not remember that. Let’s remember the music video that shows him ogling a woman’s ass and using turntables.

Left to right: CK and Tom Hanks wonder what it must be like to be Tom Hanks; Whoopi stops in on CK’s talk show to set him straight; Arnold tries to put some meat on those old bones, to no avail.

Let’s remember one of CK’s trademarks: His terrible, awful puns.

Thanks for reading, Fright Fiends! October’s still got plenty of chills and thrills for the RetroMonster in all of you. Beware the full moon…

We last left the strangest teens of all in the wake of a crash in Jamaica Bay that kind-of-sort-of-but-not-really-because-comic-books claimed the life of Jean Grey before she emerged as Phoenix, life incarnate. This is a Big Deal. Seriously, this one event winds up being more influential to its series and the Marvel Universe as a whole than Gwen Stacy’s death. In one page, X-Men architect Chris Claremont sets into motion events that affect entire story arcs for decades to come. Most comic books stories have to go through an entire company-wide crossover event to make that happen. Granted, there is more to the story of Phoenix, and it is likely that the conclusion of the Dark Phoenix Saga has just as much of a ripple throughout the continuity, but it all traces back to the end of Marvel Girl.

Naturally then, our uncanny heroes spend the next few issues taking a bit of a detour from the major story arc that Claremont is slowly and famously piecing together. This is the late 70’s – we weren’t sectioning arcs off into neatly sliced 6-issue paperbacks. This retrospective covers Uncanny X-Men #101 – 108 and the first three issues only feature Jean Grey / Phoenix on the peripheral if at all, and have our core group of new X-Men off in Ireland visiting Banshee’s family castle, picking up a blink-and-you-miss-it plot point a few issues ago where a panicked man sent Banshee a letter. These three issues aren’t bad by any stretch, but they have some uninspiring villains in Black Tom Cassidy and Juggernaut, and the team is saved in #103 by leprechauns. It’s goofy and I’m not going to write anything else about it.

On the plus side, we get some great depth added to Storm. Up until now, Ororo Munroe has been largely the most powerful and capable mutant out of the new batch. Honestly, Storm is the best. To have such a prominent, powerful, and unique black female at this time is impressive. Ororo doesn’t get reduced to stereotypes, and her backstory being fleshed out more with attention given to her recurring claustrophobia is a really strong storytelling beat. We also see that the dastardly Eric the Red from a few issues earlier has been not only orchestrating these events, but also working for a greater evil. He also reveals to the reader that there is another, more deadly foe waiting for them. AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!

Just kidding, it’s Magneto. In non-X-Men comics, the master of magnetism was turned into a baby before Eric the Red aged him back up to adulthood. In #104, he engages our mutant heroes in the first of a series of conflicts where the metal-boned Wolverine and metal-skinned Colossus inexplicably throw themselves into a fight with a man whose entire deal is that he controls metal things. But hey, it’s going to make for some gruesome stuff about a decade down the line. This conflict also continues the trend of the new X-Men being absolutely stomped by their opponent and being compared to the original five. Also, Chris Claremont does his usual plant-a-seed-that-takes-forever-to-grow plotting when he reveals a glowing door labeled “Mutant X”. This won’t pay off until literally YEARS later. The frequency and effectiveness with which he makes this feel like an incredibly serialized epic is astounding. This issue also introduces the space pirate Corsair and his ragtag crew of Starjammers.

Enter, a legend… 

#105 is a pretty big deal. It gives closure to the strange, cosmic visions that Professor Xavier has been having and introduces an interesting and unusual character in the humanoid-but-kind-of-bird-like-alien Lilandra. She explains her plight as the wayward empress of the Shi’Ar Empire, which has fullen under the rule of the Mad Emperor D’Ken. D’Ken has disguised a lacky as Eric the Red and has been tormenting the X-Men for the past several months. Most recently, he has tricked Firelord, a former Herald of Galactus, to attack the heroes. Jean Grey, as Phoenix, wipes the floor with him. To clarify and add context: he is bestowed with a portion of Galactus’ godlike cosmic power and loses to Jean Grey. He is far and away the most powerful foe that the X-Men have faced up to this point, and one of them manages to defeat him alone. Also, Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum have a funny and self-referential cameo.

The story takes a bit of a detour before the next major step. Instead of progressing to the space drama of the Shi’Ar Empire, #106 is largely a flashback to a time that Xavier subconsciously attacked the new X-Men with psychic incarnations of the old X-Men. It’s largely forgettable and inconsequential, but it is one of the first times that Charles Xavier as a force of ultimate good is questioned. There is a dark side to the man, and that is something that the series will explore more than once, and with varying degrees of success. Where were we? Right, the M’Kraan Crystal. So the M’Kraan Crystal is a mysterious source of limitless power at the nexus of the universe. Also, Chris Claremont thinks apostrophes make something alien. The X-Men, who are still pretty new to the super hero game sans Cyclops and Banshee, are outmatched against D’Ken’s warriors. The Starjammers, led by Corsair, who is actually and secretly Cyclops’ father, arrive and turn the tide. X-Men is really at its best when it’s a soap opera. For the final issue of the saga, the heroes are taken inside the M’Kraan Crystal, where Jean uses her awesome and tremendous powers, with the aid of her comrades’ life forces, to prevent it the crystal from destroying and rewriting the universe. This issue is particularly notable for having some beautiful and surreal art courtesy of John Byrne. One interesting way that Claremont really builds up the stakes of the issue is by showing other heroes from the Marvel Universe noticing how something major is going on and its on a cosmic scale.

That’s more or less the Phoenix Saga in a nutshell. It isn’t the end of Phoenix by a long shot, and we still have a largely overlooked arc in the space between these issues and the monumentally famous Dark Phoenix Saga. It’s a wild ride, and definitely one worth picking up a subscription to Marvel Unlimited for. Over the course of the next decade, things just get better. 

We last left the strangest teens of all in the wake of a crash in Jamaica Bay that kind-of-sort-of-but-not-really-because-comic-books claimed the life of Jean Grey before she emerged as Phoenix, life incarnate. This is a Big Deal. Seriously, this one event winds up being more influential to its series and the Marvel Universe as a whole than Gwen Stacy’s death. In one page, X-Men architect Chris Claremont sets into motion events that affect entire story arcs for decades to come. Most comic books stories have to go through an entire company-wide crossover event to make that happen. Granted, there is more to the story of Phoenix, and it is likely that the conclusion of the Dark Phoenix Saga has just as much of a ripple throughout the continuity, but it all traces back to the end of Marvel Girl.

Naturally then, our uncanny heroes spend the next few issues taking a bit of a detour from the major story arc that Claremont is slowly and famously piecing together. This is the late 70’s – we weren’t sectioning arcs off into neatly sliced 6-issue paperbacks. This retrospective covers Uncanny X-Men #101 – 108 and the first three issues only feature Jean Grey / Phoenix on the peripheral if at all, and have our core group of new X-Men off in Ireland visiting Banshee’s family castle, picking up a blink-and-you-miss-it plot point a few issues ago where a panicked man sent Banshee a letter. These three issues aren’t bad by any stretch, but they have some uninspiring villains in Black Tom Cassidy and Juggernaut, and the team is saved in #103 by leprechauns. It’s goofy and I’m not going to write anything else about it.

On the plus side, we get some great depth added to Storm. Up until now, Ororo Munroe has been largely the most powerful and capable mutant out of the new batch. Honestly, Storm is the best. To have such a prominent, powerful, and unique black female at this time is impressive. Ororo doesn’t get reduced to stereotypes, and her backstory being fleshed out more with attention given to her recurring claustrophobia is a really strong storytelling beat. We also see that the dastardly Eric the Red from a few issues earlier has been not only orchestrating these events, but also working for a greater evil. He also reveals to the reader that there is another, more deadly foe waiting for them. AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!

Just kidding, it’s Magneto. In non-X-Men comics, the master of magnetism was turned into a baby before Eric the Red aged him back up to adulthood. In #104, he engages our mutant heroes in the first of a series of conflicts where the metal-boned Wolverine and metal-skinned Colossus inexplicably throw themselves into a fight with a man whose entire deal is that he controls metal things. But hey, it’s going to make for some gruesome stuff about a decade down the line. This conflict also continues the trend of the new X-Men being absolutely stomped by their opponent and being compared to the original five. Also, Chris Claremont does his usual plant-a-seed-that-takes-forever-to-grow plotting when he reveals a glowing door labeled “Mutant X”. This won’t pay off until literally YEARS later. The frequency and effectiveness with which he makes this feel like an incredibly serialized epic is astounding. This issue also introduces the space pirate Corsair and his ragtag crew of Starjammers.

Enter, a legend… 

#105 is a pretty big deal. It gives closure to the strange, cosmic visions that Professor Xavier has been having and introduces an interesting and unusual character in the humanoid-but-kind-of-bird-like-alien Lilandra. She explains her plight as the wayward empress of the Shi’Ar Empire, which has fullen under the rule of the Mad Emperor D’Ken. D’Ken has disguised a lacky as Eric the Red and has been tormenting the X-Men for the past several months. Most recently, he has tricked Firelord, a former Herald of Galactus, to attack the heroes. Jean Grey, as Phoenix, wipes the floor with him. To clarify and add context: he is bestowed with a portion of Galactus’ godlike cosmic power and loses to Jean Grey. He is far and away the most powerful foe that the X-Men have faced up to this point, and one of them manages to defeat him alone. Also, Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum have a funny and self-referential cameo.

The story takes a bit of a detour before the next major step. Instead of progressing to the space drama of the Shi’Ar Empire, #106 is largely a flashback to a time that Xavier subconsciously attacked the new X-Men with psychic incarnations of the old X-Men. It’s largely forgettable and inconsequential, but it is one of the first times that Charles Xavier as a force of ultimate good is questioned. There is a dark side to the man, and that is something that the series will explore more than once, and with varying degrees of success. Where were we? Right, the M’Kraan Crystal. So the M’Kraan Crystal is a mysterious source of limitless power at the nexus of the universe. Also, Chris Claremont thinks apostrophes make something alien. The X-Men, who are still pretty new to the super hero game sans Cyclops and Banshee, are outmatched against D’Ken’s warriors. The Starjammers, led by Corsair, who is actually and secretly Cyclops’ father, arrive and turn the tide. X-Men is really at its best when it’s a soap opera. For the final issue of the saga, the heroes are taken inside the M’Kraan Crystal, where Jean uses her awesome and tremendous powers, with the aid of her comrades’ life forces, to prevent it the crystal from destroying and rewriting the universe. This issue is particularly notable for having some beautiful and surreal art courtesy of John Byrne. One interesting way that Claremont really builds up the stakes of the issue is by showing other heroes from the Marvel Universe noticing how something major is going on and its on a cosmic scale.

That’s more or less the Phoenix Saga in a nutshell. It isn’t the end of Phoenix by a long shot, and we still have a largely overlooked arc in the space between these issues and the monumentally famous Dark Phoenix Saga. It’s a wild ride, and definitely one worth picking up a subscription to Marvel Unlimited for. Over the course of the next decade, things just get better. 

This Month In Retro is a monthly article where we look back on the current month as it happened during the 1980’s.  Learn, reminisce, and stay retro.

In film:

The Elephant Man premiered to tremendous success, both critically and commercially. As far as David Lynch films go, this is the least Lynchian. It’s still an excellent film that Lynch detractors even tend to like. It stars John Hurt and tells the story of Joseph Merrick (named John in the film), a freak show attraction with a deformed body. The cruelty of the average person he encounters is absolutely heartbreaking.

Fade to Black was also released in October of 1980.  This is a film that is underappreciated and overlooked. The protagonist is a disturbed young man with an obsession with cinema. He spends every spare moment at the movie theater or watching films in his bedroom. He idolizes the characters he sees and incorporates their phrases and mannerisms into his own life. This gradually pushes into some pretty transgressive territory as he drinks the blood of a dead prostitute (because Dracula) and kills a man while in a noir gangster costume (because White Heat).

It’s like Guy Debord and Jean Beaudrillard saw Scream and decided to have a baby.

In music:

October of 1980 saw the release of two really incredible (though in many ways opposite) albums, Remain in Light by Talking Heads and The River by Bruce Springsteen. The latter shows the Boss refining his craft and tackling the sort of themes found in previous albums with more maturity. The music on The River reflects a greater pop sensibility, slightly departing from the darker mood of the aptly titled Darkness on the Edge of Town. The double LP manages to consistently deliver well-written songs, with some standouts being the beautiful title track and “Hungry Heart”, a song Springsteen had originally written for the Ramones.

Remain in Light is noteworthy for the risks it took and the success with which it landed its ambition. It frequently appears on best of lists for both the 1980’s and all time.  The composition and production of the album is pretty unique, which is to be expected with the eccentric kind of genius that accompanies both David Byrne and Brian Eno. The instrumentals were based on loops and samples, which is fairly redundant at this point. A lot of genres are built on that principle, but in 1980 we didn’t have FL Studio, Reason, or i7 processors. This was groundbreaking.

Aerosmith also released a greatest hits album in 1980. Try not to think about that too much.

Billboard #1 Song of September 1980: “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen

In comics:

Lex Luthor fell in love with a woman named Angela Blake who briefly made him turn good. Kudos to DC for including a bald-headed woman. These retrospectives are realing making me question Lex Luthor’s dedication to evildoing. They got married, but then it wound up being a plan somehow to get Superman. Pre-Crisis DC doesn’t always make sense.

Reid Fleming: World’s Toughest Milkman was self-published by David Boswell. It was later picked up by major distributors. The first volume has never gone out of print and has become a cult hit. The series is bizarre and playful, taking full advantage of comic book hysterics to tremendous effect.

Yes it is time. Not for a retro review. It is time for the long awaited objective retrospective of the Cult Classic, The Last Dragon or as I call it, The Tragedy of Sho’nuff.

Directed by Michael Schultz. The film stars Taimak, Vanity (Denise Katrina Matthews), Julius J. Carry III, Chris Murney, and Faith Prince. It was released in theatres by TriStar Pictures on March 22, 1985.

The film received a mixed response from critics. Film historian Leonard Maltin gave the movie 2 (out of a possible 4) stars, calling it “…Juvenile, campy and heavy-handed…Strictly kid-stuff, except for one gag: the name of the Chinatown warehouse.”

In 2002, a paper in the Journal of Asian American Studies applauded the strong character development of the black hero, who reverses the stereotype of the typical Asian in an action film. The hero, while learning from an Asian Zen Master, learns to use his internal strength and aura to overcome obstacles. And I say “Wrong – wrong – wrong – wrong”. Why? Bruce Leroy is actually the villain of the film. Yes, the bad guy wins and gets the girl.

Now – I am not trying to troll any of you. This is my objective take on the film. This is not click bait. I’ve seen this movie hundreds of times and can quote every line in the story. I love it. Unfortunately to hasten the read, I will have to only dissect the character of Bruce Leroy.

Last Dragon is the story of a young man in Harlem, during the “bad days”, living in a tenement with his parents and two siblings. His father is a hard working business owner, running a NY style pizzeria with his wife. His little brother is a young scrappy teenager who enjoys hanging out with his friends and attending the set of a dance party type music video show hosted by the singer/VJ Laura Charles.

Bruce Leroy is usually described as a young man; a reluctant hero type; naïve and innocent. Things that are a complete contradiction to what the character does in the film. Bruce Leroy is at its source the cause of much of the misery that happens in the movie. He is part con-man, coward and suffers from a case of fanboy bordering on self-delusion. He doesn’t shatter Asian stereotypes; he is an Asian stereotype. He is so wrapped up in his put on persona that it prevents any connection to anyone throughout the film.

The film starts with Leroy’s “master” trying to murder him with a bow and arrow. We don’t know how they met or if they even have a good relationship. All we know is that Leroy has been going to this man’s boathouse to train in the martial arts for quite some time. After dodging all the arrows except for one, Leroy is instructed by his master that he has reached the final level and can no longer continue to be his student. Leroy falls to his knees and begs for forgiveness; the same way the actors in Kung Fu movies do. The old master begins laughing. Why, because he can’t believe this kid. The master instructs Leroy that he must leave now that he’s reached the final level. Leroy is still dumbfounded that he can’t train at the boathouse. The master insists, “I am no longer your Master!”, then brilliantly devises a plan to be rid of Leroy for good by giving him a fancy gold medallion that belonged to Bruce Lee and it will lead him to his new master that will teach him “The Glow”. “Go. Go. Go. Go”, says the Master.

Leroy leaves.

Begin montage of Leroy walking around New York City dressed as a rice farmer. Then we are taken to a movie theater screening Enter the Dragon. The theater is filled with a rogue’s gallery of Manhattan’s riff raff and dregs. Leroy is even here watching the movie and eating popcorn… with chopsticks, smh. Lights flicker and the movie stops. Enter Sho’nuff and his unnamed gang of cronies.

Sho’nuff is a local martial arts master who is “back on the scene” to remind everyone he is the top of the Kung Fu food chain. Where has he been? My theory is that the Shogun has been in jail for an unknown amount of time. While serving his bid, he must’ve heard these fantastical stories about this new Kung Fu fighter in Harlem; a real master; he even catches bullets with his teeth. Sho’nuff now being a free man and reunited with his gang is on a mission to debunk this Bruce Leroy once and for all. Sho’nuff is actually the protagonist.

This doesn’t seem heroic on the surface. But, let’s look at Leroy. He isn’t a master and doesn’t consider himself a master. However, whenever he is around people who are ignorant to the martial arts Leroy acts enlightened, holier than thou, speaks in riddles and even has the audacity to run his own school. Yes, the student is running a Kung Fu school. He is charging kids money to teach them martial arts that he doesn’t even consider himself an authority on. His oldest student can’t even fight. He is so wrapped up in this image of being a Shaw Brothers hero that he is completely detached from reality, except when it comes to ego and making a profit.

Sho’Nuff spends the rest of the movie openly challenging Leroy to fight him. Not to the death. Not to maim. He just wants to fight. But, Leroy takes every opportunity to evade and dodge him. This continues to enrage Sho’nuff, who is forced to come up with more and more ways to instigate a fight. He challenges him at the theater – Leroy sneaks out the side door. He shows up to his dojo, insults, humiliates and threatens one of his students – Leroy kisses his Converse after damn near almost fighting one of the Shoguns girls but, not Sho. Sho’nuff even went as far as vandalize Daddy Green’s pizza and dumped his brother into a garbage can of marinara sauce.

What does Leroy do? He see’s the Shogun’s van across the street and waits for them to drive off before running into his dad’s establishment. The situation when he entered was awkward to say the least. He is then exposed for his cowardice by an angry Richie. But does he go looking for retribution? No – Leroy goes to his dojo to cry into a punch a bag that “Don’t hit back”.

Leroy refuses to fight Sho’nuff out of some sense of discipline. However, Leroy has no problem fighting the hired henchmen Eddie Arcadian.

In the aftermath of the pizzeria incident, Leroy is approached by Ms. Charles (the VJ that he has saved numerous times) to be her bodyguard. He refuses, in spite of the fact that he only knows her from saving her. As if, “Whatever. I got my medallion back. I’m on a quest. Bye Felicia”, is what he was thinking.

Laura is attracted to him but, like Sho’nuff she can’t get a reaction out of him. He’s too locked into his fantasy. She even goes on to play by his game. She creates a music video collage of Bruce Lee gifs synchronized to Willie Hutch’s “Glow” just for him in private, in the dark. It works. He comes out of his idiocy while watching a kissing scene from the music video and kisses Laura deeply. But, it’s all ruined when he sees another scene and is drawn back into his fantasy. “Thanks a lot, Bruce”.

Another example of the main characters selfishness is his form of disguise. He needs to infiltrate the SUM DUM GOY warehouse and get passed the workers who turned him away earlier in the film. Obviously, they are not on his level. So, he disguises himself by what? He steals his little brother’s clothes and steals a pizza pie from the Daddy Green’s pizza that was just vandalized. He brings a pizza topped with beansprouts. Why beansprouts? Well, because Leroy is an idiot.

His plan fails. In his confusion he runs back to his Master’s boat house and finds him packing his possessions. His master starts to laugh, “So you didn’t find the master”. He hands Leroy an empty fortune cookie and tells him everything he needs is inside. Leroy practically broke his own fingers opening the damn thing. Nothing was inside. Leroy looks stupid.

The master then giggles and pocks him in the middle of his head, like look here. He then reveals that the gold medallion is really just a belt buckle. Maybe his plan was to slip out of town before Dumb ass found out it was a wild goose chase.

“Are you going on a journey of Knowledge” says Leroy.

“No. I’m seeing my mother in Miami”, says the old master.

Leroy you jackass…

The climax of the film is a gauntlet battle to save Laura and his brother with an expected rescue by the Kung Fu school. The school of youngsters beats up a group of murderers, criminals, sociopaths and a white MR.T on Eddie Arcadian’s payroll. Go figure.

Finally, Leroy is almost murdered by an enraged Sho’nuff who easily dismantles him and only wants one thing – recognition. Leroy can’t answer because he’s Leroy. Sho’nuff loses grip on sanity and is about to punch a hole through his head until Leroy’s life flashes before his eyes as he is drowning in water and he finds his identity. The Glow is manifested and his invincible fists defeat Eddie and Sho’nuff… Even catches bullets with his teeth.

Flash forward to 7th Heaven during the White Party. Laura is looking unloved when Leroy shows up looking dapper with flowers. Could this be Leroy’s after-life after the Shogun killed him? No, it’s real. The movie ends and it’s a happy ending.

Although this film isn’t the greatest thing since silk pajamas… it’s a good time and harmless fun.

I’d love for everyone to take the time to watch this Cult Classic film from the 80’s and look at it from my angle. It’ll make you appreciate it more and you’ll enjoy it more doing so. Have fun with it and take the piss out of life.

So meditate, focus, breath, practice and seek peace in your shelter. This is the Last Dragon retrospective and you have the glow. Keep kicking, punching and blocking and axe kick that rewind button.

Starring: Michael Beck (Swan), James Remar (Ajax), Dorsey Wright (Cleon), Brian Tyler (Snow), David Harris (Cochise), Tom McKitterick (Cowboy), Terry Michos (Vermin), Marcelino Sanchez (Rembrandt), Deborah Van Valkenburgh (Mercy), Roger Hill (Cyrus), David Patrick Kelly (Luther), Lynne Thigpen (DJ).

            Directed by Walter Hill, The Warriors is the story of a group of Brooklyn gang members desperately trying to get home, after being framed for the murder of a prominent gang leader in the Bronx. They are outnumbered in enemy territories. Can they make it home or become another bunch of fatalities to the streets.

The film earned 3.5 million on its opening weekend. However, there were some incidents of violence following screenings prompting advertising to halt on radio,  television and the press. Two hundred theaters beefed up security and others just stopped screenings all together after being relieved of any contractual obligations by the studio. Some film critics weren’t really buying into The Warriors. Roger Ebert gave the film two out of four stars in his review for the Chicago Sun Times, “No matter what impression the ads give, this isn’t even remotely intended as an action film. It’s a set piece. It’s a ballet of stylized male violence.” As well, critics from The Washington Post, Newsweek, and Time magazine were among others that gave the film poor reactions. Critics who did enjoy the film included Pauline Kael of The New Yorker who wrote, “The Warriors is a real moviemaker’s movie: it has in visual terms the kind of impact that ‘Rock Around the Clock’ did behind the titles of Blackboard Jungle. The Warriors is like visual rock”. President Reagan even had screenings in Camp David. After a few weeks of no violence, the studio decided to revamp the marketing ad campaign and in its sixth week, The Warriors had grossed $16.4 million, well above its estimated $4 million to $7 million budget making it a profitable success for the studio. But do ticket sales earn you cult classic status?

The passage of time and home video releases and current DVD & Blu-Ray sales have reconfirmed that fans make films cult classics; not directors or actors. In 2015, The Warriors has a Rotten Tomato rating on 94% and is praised by the young and old; an action packed, thriller detailing the violence of 1970’s NYC and the local gangs of the period. At least that’s what they tell you, especially New Yorkers.

Truth is – it’s a very entertaining movie with some quotable lines. Yes it’s stylized and well shot; the action scenes were great (for their time); it was gritty and showcased young anti-heroes. But, so what, it doesn’t make this a believable piece. Why? Well that’s because nostalgia can hype anything up bigger than its normal size… right ladies? The fanboy/man will tell you how amazing the movie is and tell you how his youth was just like that, almost making The Warriors seem more documentary than film. They will bring up memories and neighborhood history and link it to the film, shining a big spotlight on themselves and their golden era. The truth is – The Warriors is more The Avengers than Mean Streets.

First off, let’s start with the Warriors themselves: a ragtag group of less than fifteen members at the most and all handsome enough to grace the cover of subway advert or guest star on Welcome Back Kotter. At the helm is Swan the leader with the perfect hair forever throughout the film. As well his second in command Cochise and his titanium afro that stays on point and stylin’ no matter what. Then there’s Ajax of course with the feathered mane of anti-social behavior. Each member was his own island of cool, perfectly casted to steal the hearts of female audience members. It’s amazing no one has taken their turf yet. I guess they are that good if not the best.

The film begins deep in the Bronx where a massive meeting of all the NYC gangs is taking place at the behest of the enigmCyrus, a VO5 permed huckster in a bathrobe that wishes to unite the gangs under his guidance and seize full control of the city. They’ll take down the cops and ultimately run the streets, “Can you dig it?”… No. No. Allow me to raise my hand here and ask the pimp with no last name some questions. How in the hell was this going to work? Fact #1: This was NYC during the 1970s before cellphone cameras and hotlines and police pretty much had full freedom to give you the wooden shampoo (beating with batons) as they wished, if not worse. Now even if the gangs were able to go up against the cops, they would lose. Example – when Mr. Can You Dig It gets killed [spoiler] did you see the cops having trouble arresting anyone? I didn’t think so. Fact #2: Cyrus never really mentioned the Mafia or the Chinatown gangs or Tongs in his speech. Were they supposed to bend the knee to the runts? How about the Hell’s Angels chapter in the Lower East Side, were they going to join in? No, they wouldn’t; the gangs would ruin their way of living. The gangs would have to take on organized crime on multiple fronts as well the police. And let’s say they succeeded and took over the city. They would have to deal with martial law and possibly military when this hypothetical crime wave becomes a national emergency.

Next question – Why are The Rogues the only gang that actually acts like a gang? They are the only one with one revolver.

Cyrus. He gets shot. Cyrus is dead. Who shot him? The Warriors! How do you know? Well, the guy who was shooting a gun in the midst of like 30 gangs told me The Warriors killed Cyrus. But the Warriors aren’t shooting anyone else. Hey, I’ve never met dude before but, I trust the only guy at the meeting with a smoking gun. Spread the word… These gang members are stupid.

Now our heroes must find a way to get back to Coney Island. They take the subway? Why has no one ever pointed out the fact that The Warriors are supposedly the best of the best of gangs yet; nobody knows how to steal a car and jump on the highway down to the BQE and back home in no time? Hell they have one member who just purchased his first spray paint and takes forever tagging a W on a tombstone.

Without dragging this out here is a summary of other things: The Furies stunk as a crew; they got jacked up by their own bats. The Orphans looked like a troupe of homeless former child actors. The Lizzies were not only hot but, the only game that came close to merc’ing a few of our heroes; too bad the sensitive Warrior ruined the ambush. Mercy was a ratchet Uptown chick that the Warriors kidnapped and she was fine with it; was even willing to have sex in a subway tunnel to Swans disgust; ends up hooking up and wanting to go somewhere else, with her kidnapper. Ajax is a loud mouthed aggressive alpha male, he’s also a rapist; he gets arrested trying to sexually assault Caitlyn Jenner on a park bench halfway into the film.

How was the radio station DJ relaying information that fast? Walkie-talkies don’t have that kind of distance. Unless the crews knew the number to dial on the pay phones to spread the word. If that’s the case, how come the Warriors don’t know about this radio station?

The Riffs were exactly what everybody in the 70’s wanted to be after seeing Bruce Lee. Hell maybe Bruce Leeroy from The Last Dragon is the son of one of the Riffs. Daddy Green was a Riff?

The Climax is the best part. Luther’s Smith & Wesson against Swan and his… switchblade. As our gang of heroes confront The Rogues about their deception, Luther explains to them that he just likes doing those things. He takes aim and fires dead center at Swan standing in front of two Warriors. But apparently Swan has the agility of a cat as he is able to dodge the bullet and throw his switchblade, Shinobi style, into Luther’s hand; obviously splitting the bullet in two because, no Warrior was hit by the revolver round… Swan did this while standing in sand.

Luther cries in pain and is taken away with his Rogues by The Riffs who took forever to learn the truth and obviously drove to Coney Island. The Riff leader praises The Warriors as “Good” and Swan replies, “The Best”. Our movie ends and Joe Walsh sings us out into the sunrise.

– It’s only a movie and an entertaining movie. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, walk away. If you want to see how the actual gangs were in NYC then go watch the documentary “80 Blocks from Tiffany’s” (1979) on youtube. Other than that, this has been an objective retrospective of Walter Hill’s cult classic The Warriors. Stay cool, stay fresh and keep your fingers on the Rewind button.