Gunstar Heroes

Sega, 1993

This is one of the finest run-and-gun games I have ever played. The smug part of me (a big part) would like to just leave it at that, but I don’t get paid to write one-sentence paragraphs, nor would that really do Gunstar Heroes any justice. Gunstar Heroes is like Contra cubed. Contra multiplied by an exponent of itself. Your mission is, in summary, to break a spell used by a tyrant to take hold of the entire world by collecting some gems. Sega seems to like gems for some reason. We won’t get into it. There’s no need. If you are even passingly familiar with their other franchises, you know what I mean. To achieve your goal, you (and optionally, a second player) must tackle the tyrant’s massive army, which includes some really heavy hitters and weird stuff.

Hover-biking giant robot chase scenes? You betcha.

Sega cooked this game up, and from top to bottom, it shows. You not only shoot and run, but you’ve got jump kicks and other tricks, not to mention two-person moves and a variety of gun power-ups. You’re sliding down inclines, riding hover bikes, all kinds of great action-oriented shit is going on. It’s legitimately engaging and exciting. Over-the-top boss fights and a great cartoonish theme make this a ton of fun, and 2-player mode is bonkers. It’s always good to see decent co-op two player games from this era, because so many were “take turns” or just boring in general.

The graphics are pretty sick, with plenty of color and character. The bosses really stand out; many of them are made of separate sprites moving as one (or so it seems, I don’t know exactly how they did that, I’m just a fan, not a programmer). The music and sound are what you’d expect from Sega during this period, rich and well-written to fit the bombastic action theme. I’d like to stress again: this game is hella fun with two players.

Gunstar Heroes gets an 8 out of 10 from me. Solid game, and another one I liked even more when re-encountering it as an adult fan.

Sonic Spinball

Sega, 1993

Some people love this game, and a few people hate it. I’m in the first camp, for sure. I’m a sucker for pinball in any form, be it real or virtual, and despite… well, everything about Sonic in the current era, I’m also a big fan of the franchise. This game holds a special spot in my heart much like Mr. Driller or the original DOOM; I have fond memories of playing Spinball during lousy parts of my life and it really allowing me to detach myself and relax.

There’s not much to discuss in the way of a plot. Robotnik’s being a dick again, Sonic has to step up and teach his ass a lesson, but this time it’s framed as a pinball experience. There are little parts where you’re not behaving like a blue spinning version of the silver ball, but for the most part, what you see is what you get.

The tables are challenging and contain some novel Sonic-flavored elements to them, including the theme-appropriate collection of rings and the end goal of collecting those damn Chaos Emeralds. (More gems. See?) Even cooler is the fact that each table is actually multiple tables, and you’ve got to navigate a very broad space to get things done and progress. Sometimes you’re even running and jumping around like Sonic normally does. There are even boss fights, since Robotnik seemingly loves to get his shit pushed in repeatedly by a little blue hedgehog. Sonic Spinball is a great time-killer without being boring or overly repetitive. The game also keeps score like a normal pinball game would, and is otherwise focused on that format. I could play most pinball tables for hours if life permitted me to fuck around that much, and this one’s no exception.

Jesus, Robotnik. One of your face is enough.

The music, again, is solid and on par with what Sega was capable of during the Genesis era. The Toxic Caves theme really stands out, not only as the first level music but as a good upbeat funk-type piece that seems right at home in a 1990s Sonic game. Spinball ups the ante graphics-wise, as well. There’s a lot of animation and activity, and Robotnik’s boss appearances are particularly well-detailed.

I give Sonic Spinball an 8 out of 10. It’s a bit of a novelty job, but it’s fun, it looks good, and it plays well.

Ristar

Sega, 1995

“This is one of those cutesy games,” I muttered to myself while loading the rom up in Fusion. I was absolutely right, and further expected to be let down by it, but it’s actually not terrible. Sure, it’s another platformer, and a lot of it is nauseatingly adorable, but it’s a ton of fun to play and it’s well-produced. (It just occurred to me that all three of today’s games are produced by Sega.) You assume the role of a little star dude in a distant galaxy, who (in a recurring theme not only in Genesis games but video games as a whole) is fighting against tyranny, this time in the form of a big nasty named Kaiser Greedy. Greedy is a “space Pirate” intent on ruling the planet Flora (Neer in the JP version) and the surrounding star system by force. This is another one of those games where they did way too much fiddling with the story from JP to NA release, so I’m not going to write a Cutting Room Floor style essay about it. Suffice it to say, it’s up to Ristar, with his gigantic stupid face and childlike digitized voice, to save the Valdi System from the beefy baddies.

It’s a platform game, and a late entry into the category during the era in question, but Ristar can do some cool stuff with his stretchy arms, like propel himself like a catapult or deliver vicious grabbing headbutts to enemies. A lot of play is based around the use of Ristar’s stretchy arms, but there’s plenty of conventional platform elements too: the run and jump stuff, underwater levels, bonus stages, and some pretty cool boss fights (including wizards and shit, which I’m always down for).

Get down here so I can rope-arm headbutt your ass, you dizzy bastard.

The digitized sound isn’t very good, and Ristar’s voice is creepily childish. The other sound, as well as the BGM, is pretty good. Not necessarily top form Sega stuff, but adequate. The visual experience is on par for a higher-quality Sega-produced Genesis game, with a lot of color and variety befitting the cute bubblegum flavor of the game as a whole.

I give Ristar 7 out of 10. It’s not what I’d call a classic, or even exceptional, but it brings enough of its own juice to the table and offers a fun experience to anyone who loves platformers.

Expect The third and final chunk of Sega-meat on Saturday, RetroFiends! Thanks for reading!

The Sega Genesis. Model citizen; zero discipline.

I’ve no doubt filled these digital pages so far with plenty of nods to the Sega Genesis. As much as I’d love to have been a full-on child of the 1980s, I was born in ’83 and wasn’t really exposed to video games until ’89 or so. While the NES was still alive and kicking by then, that shining era of its emergence and unchallenged primacy was over. I was never that kid who did nothing but play video games, but I won’t pretend it didn’t often take priority over doing homework for me. The Genesis was the system I spent the bulk of my formative years pouring afternoons into, and is perhaps the one I remember best. I loved how you could mute the TV and plug headphones into it if you wanted. I loved, and still love, the distinctive sound of its Yamaha sound rig. The graphics have a unique tone to them as well; it’s as if the SNES’s palette was too garish and bright for some things, and the Genesis’s colors had a slightly muted tone more suited to games like Golden Axe or Altered Beast.

I’ve chosen three more Genesis titles at random (well, I guess I should say just arbitrarily) to discuss for another Grab Bag. All three are ones I remember encountering at least briefly, and I’ve revisited them via the miracle of emulation to refresh (and correct) my memory. Without further ado, let’s start swingin’ at them nuts, shall we?

Gunstar Heroes

Treasure, 1993

Don’t worry. I’m not going to shit on this one. I love it as much as you do. Normally I go with a bad one first. I’m switching it up this time.

Treasure is a company that went on to have modest but memorable success with Sega platforms after the Genesis era; Guardian Heroes for the Saturn and Ikaruga for the Dreamcast stand out as front-and-center games for their respective systems and rank among my favorites to be sure. Gunstar Heroes marks their first effort, and is pretty astounding considering that fact. It makes for an exciting shooter, and is a good example of what made Genesis games stand out.

Don’t be deceived. What you are seeing is an all-out war.

The game is kind of like Contra, if Contra had a more approachable set of gameplay parameters and more of a plot. The selectable players are two brothers of a family responsible for dusting some robot that threatened humanity, only to have the leader of a dictatorship begin gathering a set of gems necessary for its resurrection. You pursue the elements of this evil army throughout four stages you can play in any order before the end-part of the game becomes traditionally linear. Depending on which brother you choose, you can either fire freely as you run (a la Contra) or have your character stop in place whenever you fire. Powerups improve your gun’s power and grant capabilities like homing bullets, and the nicest aspect (at least for gamers like me who are terrible at avoiding harm) is that instead of insta-death you get a nice vitality counter.

The action is incredible and matches the standard for later Genesis games. You fight on rail carts, against giant mechanized monsters, and through varied environments as you battle to keep the world safe from General Gray and the Empire. The characters and story have a cool cartoony feel without being too silly, something that Treasure would pull off again with Guardian Heroes. Its challenge is comparable to standards in its genre, but I’d call Gunstar Heroes approachable for a shooter.

World of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck

Sega, 1992

“I Love Mickey & Donald: Fushigi na Magic Box” We always have to give things bullshit names. The Japanese? They cut right to the quick of it. Magic Box not pictured.

Fucking Disney games, man. I have a love-hate relationship with them. This one’s no exception. Mickey and Donald find a magical box, and it turns out to belong to that asshole dog Pete. Of course, Pete has to do something horrible to Mickey and Donald, so he sends them to another world. That’s the plot. You can clap now.

This is what made the game really exciting for me, but also made it a butthole-puckering fright-fest. I mean, look at Mickey’s face. Even HE knows he’s in a bad situation. And let me tell you… that carpet barely cooperates.

This is a well-made platformer and I’m not suggesting otherwise. It can be done in one or two player mode, with two players sharing a total number of lives. You start out in a magical forest where everything is intent on murdering you, but fortunately your magician cape functions as a deadly weapon. There’s a lot of that stupid kind of difficult in this game, like tricky distances and cheap little trick moments to force you into getting hurt. On the flipside, it’s got plenty of cool stuff like walking on spider strands and flying a magic carpet. World of Illusion is very fun to play, but like a lot of Disney games from the era, it’s hardly fucking around. This may be a world of illusion, sure, but its ability to beat Mickey and Donald’s asses inside out is very real. Obviously the game appeals to kids, so if you want to really test out your kid’s console chops, put this in front of them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good game… just don’t think it’s soft-serve just because Mickey’s in it.

Beast Wrestler

Riot/Renovation, 1991

The Japan cover, bearing its domestic title, Beast Warriors. “Look at this shit! This is gonna be awesome!” Eh… not so much.

This was one of those oddballs you’d find at the rental place and take home because it looked cool. On paper, it IS pretty cool; the idea is that you pit monsters against each other in pro wrestling style combat, while occasionally feeding your beast or splicing its DNA to improve it. It comes off kind of like an extremely dark and nasty Pokemon analog.

In practice, Beast Wrestler is sadly mediocre as hell. I’m hardly the first reviewer to point out its horrible hit detection, and the very mechanics of fighting in the electrified monster ring are tricky to master. You have to really want to get good at this game, and it doesn’t make itself easy to like. On the upside, the graphics are wicked cool and I can’t fault the soundtrack either.

Pulling off something like this with the game’s control scheme and hit detection is akin to rowing across the English Channel with a pair of chopsticks. 

I guess I’m not really prepared to put a total thumbs-down on this one, but Beast Wrestler could have been a way cooler game if a little more effort had been put into fine tuning the actual combat. I’m guessing it was either someone’s sophomore day out or it was a rush job, but I’ve always been kind of disappointed by it. I mean, it’s mutant monsters in pro wrestling matches in the year 2020. Don’t set us up with that and then let us down!

FINAL VERDICTS

Gunstar Heroes – 8/10 (This is a great Genesis title and it should be in your collection if it isn’t.)

World of Illusion – 6/10 (Don’t underestimate it, but if you’re into Disney and/or platformers it’s a must have.)

Beast Wrestler – 4/10 (Someone shit the bed here, but the smell’s muted a little bit by good presentation.)

Enjoy your holiday and Stay Retro, my friends.