Stone Cold (1991)

Biker gangs and linebackers don’t usually belong in the same sentence, outside of an obituary or police radio but, here is the only occasion the two blended together into a steroid pumping dude-fest.

Stone Cold was supposed to be Brian Bosworth’s vehicle into the world of movies when a career ending shoulder injury ended his NFL career after only two seasons. Released in May of 1991 and directed by, former stuntman turned director Craig R. Baxley (Action Jackson, I Come in Peace) and distributed by Columbia Pictures.

A give no apologies, high octane mishmash of undercover crime drama and bullet blizzard 90’s action, Stone Cold is told from the perspective of Joe Huff (Bosworth). Joe is a, rugged brick-jawed, southern police officer tired of a system of law that gives more rights to the criminals than their victims.

After foiling a supermarket robbery, he is forced into going undercover for the government and infiltrating a 1%er Motorcycle Club that is under investigation by the US District Attorney’s office. The Brotherhood MC is an over the top meth’d up band of miscreants that fit somewhere between being more authentic than what you see on Sons of Anarchy and more exaggerated than the Dreadnoks from G.I. JOE. 

The original cut was rated NC-17 because of the violence, it was cut down for R rating. The film was a box office flop, drawing $2.8 million in its first week. It eventually made $9 million domestically. 

Now as bad as the movie may seem, I actually enjoy this movie [always did]. It’s bloated and over the horizon with machismo but, it’s fun and as lousy as the story seems – it holds together pretty well. Hell the supporting cast is pretty righteous with William Forsyth (American Me, Raising Arizona, Dick Tracy) and Lance Henriksen (Aliens, Near Dark, Pumpkinhead, House III (The Horror Show), Millennium: the series). The music is meh. It’s mindless cheese doodle fun. It’s not the best action film of 1991 because 91’ was stacked with good movies across the board. However, if compared to other moderately budgeted and produced action films of that year like Double Impact, Eve of Destruction and The Hitman, then yeah it’s pretty solid; But nowhere near as good as the The Last Boy Scout, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man and others. And like I did, you too can shut your mind off and enjoy this film right now. You like motorcycles? You like guns? You like jacked up tough guys? Beer? Cigarettes? Broads? Do you like watching a story rev’ up into an explosion of violence and red, white & blue? Then this could be your lucky month. 

S, relax and kick your boots up on the coffee table and enjoy. Be cool retro-hunters. Be chill and keep your finger on that rewind button.