REMEMBER THIS... #4 [Rated MA]

Remember This…?
          Episode #4: The lost art of VHS or the ways analog has programmed my thinking patterns.
            It’s that time to Remember This… and continue the stroll down memory lane while examining the current theme loosely revolving around that wonderful black box you had in your living room; the one with the warm slit and the dust cover just begging you to insert some rigid plastic rectangular VHS tapes inside it. Push play here.
 "The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun" is a 1984 song by American singer–comedian Julie Brown parodying 1950s' "teen tragedy" songs.

            Instead of romancing those dirty things filled with more random data than a mnemonic courier, let’s talk about what we actually recorded on them. The smut, the MTV, the sporting events, the aerobic shows, political speeches [yeah sure] and whatever else you could cram into your TDK. Let’s focus on the smut first.

           This was before the internet and chances are if you never saw it then you might never get the chance. Remember feeling curious on those days your parents weren’t home and you started rummaging through their personal drawers and closets? Didn’t you feel like Indiana Jones? The fixed cable box if you had one never quite worked after a while and all you had was that fuzzy scrambled signal and the hint of nudity just behind the static line. Sometimes you had friends and when you had them, you might even trade tapes and watch them with the sound off. Those were the days, the days when biological functions were both science fiction and a circus sideshow. You had them unmarked, or scratched in some way, so you could recognize them. They were hidden behind your drawer, in your closet, inside a shoe box or in the garage. If you didn’t want to watch a scene you had to sit there and fast forward or rewind. Two hour tapes became six hour tapes and so one. Scenes were cut and paste together like a William Burroughs production; fake tits and cocaine pricks that were only overshadowed by the wooden acting and Aqua Net hair. Those weren’t skeletons in your closet; they were the stains of youth after dark.
         Remember Public Access television? Before podcasts or whatever the new thing is nowadays we had a set of channels (free channels) on our televisions where anyone could get a half or an hour long show on the rotation. It didn’t matter if you had talent or not because we all know most Americans don’t. Anything you could imagine was on it and people took advantage of it with ease. Because you favorite custom VHS tapes were in a way a microcosm of what Public Access was (some cases still is). It was low budget but entertaining. While your family watched Dallas, you were watching random insanity and self-exploitation. And it was beautiful as it happened.
Here are some examples of the insanity I am talking about. I am going to make you experience the thinking process and patterns of a tape head… an insomniac tape head. I’m going to take you on a journey through my mind and my youth. You’ll recognize some of the places and some of the things but in here they are sexy and mutilated and without guilt. TALK HARD.
-Sam Haine

-         Viewer Discretion Advised Then Dies.

The infamous almost X-rated show that ran
for nearly 30 years on Manhattan cable. This is part 1 of an interview between the late publisher and pornographer Al Goldstein with Otto & George, the adult-themed comedy team composed of comedian Otto Sol Petersen (July 29, 1960 – April 13, 2014) and his dummy George.

CONCRETE TV- Concrete TV is a NYC-based public access show that aired on Channel 67 combining sex, violence and art into video collages set to music. This half hour program is produced by Ron Rocheleau, known as Concrete Ron. It is shown Friday nights at 1:30 AM. Episodes are heavily thematically based in 1980s video, hearkening back to the early MTV days, in a mash-up art style.


  The Dangers of the live cable access program

"New York Hot Tracks" [with retro commercials] - A syndicated music television series which aired from 1983 to 1989, and achieved the number one music variety show spot in the United States. 

SANDY KANE BLEW SHOW - Ex-stone age stripper turned AA qualifier turned cable icon who sings song parodies and lights her inverted nipples on fire while exchanging banter with her vibrator.

 That concludes this session of Remember this, Retro Lovers. And until the next time keep your finger on the rewind button. Or call 555- KVETCH.